August 30, 2008

Guess what i have been reading lately

Err, scanning actually, not reading (in my terms)

I thank that person who conveniently left a book on the table, which i would later use the other day. (I became a mainlibrat recently because i enjoy the aura of enthusiasm among the undergrad inside the main library compared to the tense and competitive aura at the law library. Furthermore, i look forward to my ten minute breaks reading on general information. I mean, what book breaks can i have in the law lib right?)

Anyway, the person i owe utmost gratitude to, left "The Origin of Species." Yes, Charles Darwin.

Okay, i learned that Mr. Darwin's dad wanted him to be a doctor. He went to Edinburgh for that but, reading between the lines, he didn't want medicine (baka nga delinquent pa e) and he instead focused on other things (na nerd pa rin). He wanted to become a clergyman instead, and for that, he went to Cambridge. There, guess what he did? He collected insects and studied them and noted the differentiated characteristics of each of their species. He married and spent the rest of his life in seclusion because of, yes, more nerdom.

In the latter part of his life he wrote the book. (Gusto ko lang itong isingit, kasi iniisip ko, pag scientist ka ba, kailangan ganon ka? Or nasa age of methaphysical search pa rin ba siya? Gusto ko ring maging scientist and contribute to this dying world.)

I've read the Bible and the book of Genesis, which narrates creation done in a week's time. This book and his later book, "The Descent of Man", outlines a painstaking evolution of current lifeforms.

Two chapters of the book deal with difficulties and objections to the theory of evolution, well, natural selection rather. This book is also (and obviously) full of assumptions and contradictions that Darwin himself didn't attempt to explain. He, himself, wrote in his book that he is ignorant about a lot of things and that he can't answer every difficulty just yet (or maybe never). He said, that how the eye focuses and adjusts depending on the amount of light present can never be attributed to natural selection, for example.

Since grade school, we discuss this theory and the impression i have is that evolution is so scientific, logical and rational. I read and get the idea that the Creation story is so backwards and irrational and the like. That the Bible was written ages ago and people then didn't have that much scientific knowledge. And my teachers take pains in having us bridge the gap, in our minds, Creation to the theory of evolution. So i have to think that God is not bound by days and the days may be millions of years and all that, just so they will not be contradictory. Or that the Genesis account should not be taken literally and that it makes use of figures of speech.

Or is it just me? But why? Why do we have to reconcile them in the first place?

Evolution is a theory and remains to be that to this day. A theory is just a model. Its a testable model which we can use to predict things but is in no way certain.

Take the Big Bang theory, as well, also a theory. That says, we all developed and came from a humongous explosion spreading matter throughout space. But scientific.

Isn't the Bible a product of social SCIENCE too? It was passed by oral tradition. Historical accounts are not expected to be totally accurate. I mean, even Philippine history is complicated by several historians who have different points of view.

Back to what i want to say, why that discrimination? Science vs. Theology.

You see, the Big Bang theory bridged to Darwin's natural selection is also irrational. How do you bridge the gap between non life to life? How do you explain why men still have mammary glands if there is indeed natural selection? Our appendices?

How do you explain how amazingly complicated our bodies have become? How can you not be in awe of how self regulating our bodies are? Goose bumps, our sebaceous glands, fever and our immune system, breathing, the valves that make our hearts and pulses beat. Man! I mean, man! These never fail to blow my mind away.

Isn't it all magical? In the same way that the Bible too is magical. So why regard the other less, when in fact, they're on the same footing? (I mean, in terms of being rational. Of course i'll say that the Bible is the most powerful book of all time.)

I don't understand why people will rather believe that noone powerful was responsible for these developments and that Big Bang to evolution happened on its own without any Godly intervention. Fine. And then say that this is SCIENCE. In the course of time, these happened, sans explanation.

Kasi ganito. Let things be, it's alright. It's science. Add God in the picture, it's irrational already. Di ba?

And i don't understand why believing that God had a hand in these things is what, unbelievable? Magic, irrational. While letting things happen on their own is more rational.

Aren't both situations (for lack of a better term in my mind) magical?

I have to clarify that i am not saying that just because we cannot explain things, the only thing left is that there is a God. No, that's not what i mean. What i'm saying is, pareho silang may magic e so why regard the other less.

But still i say, what pride to not accept that a God exists.

August 20, 2008

E mabait lang talaga siya e


From my sister's blog:

Yesterday, Pastor Lino and I had the chance to talk...

"Talaga nga love ti taga-Bauang ni Mamam anya? Adda ti nagdakkel nga streamer na nga nakakabil jay market - Remembering Felicidad Picar (something like that)."


Those from Bauang really love your Mom right? There's a big streamer in the market saying - Remembering Felicidad Picar (something like that).

So Mister --, we nor our late mom don't need a political handler to evoke sympathies nor grief nor outraged sentiments from what happened. We don't need someone to order her friends to put up a banner to remember her death anniversary. Does friendship and respect mean anything to you anyway? Or you just base it on popularity. Or maybe you just choose to see the negative side of things. And impress and rub it upon others who do not need your negativity.

I regret ever thinking that you can be of any help. You just made things worse anyway.

Well, i just need to write this down to let go of the matter.

After a year, i am just realizing things anew, including the ungentlemanly reaction i got from you. All i felt was that you ended whatever hope i had in lawyers and lawyering. And you successfully doubled how bad i felt that time. It's just that, i felt bad. And i regret approaching you in the first place.

Que horror! How come i didn't think about these things then? I could've at least defended the memory of my decent mother. I blame it on the trauma of the moment.

I hate you. But with God's grace, i'm throwing you, you filthy rock.


Sabi nga sa forum kanina, no war, give peace a chance.


My new crush said "I read not for pleasure. I read for knowledge."

Somehow, it made me assess my own aim in reading. I myself read for knowledge. I want to learn things. I want to know the world. I want to see different perspectives. That for me is pleasure.

I read a lot too. My common day would be: Read the Bible the moment i wake up. Read the news. Read for school (which at times is not as pleasurable though). At night, read gossip aka blogs. Then read a chapter or two of my current book, if i do have one, to put me to sleep (law school sked, mostly Christian books or nonfic).

So i say. I read for knowledge. And knowing is pleasurable.

But my new crush is so guapo.

August 17, 2008

Random thoughts

1. I found my eyeglasses somewhere in school. Thank you Lord. :-)

2. I have to jog more often. I have to jog and not sleep afterwards until almost lunchtime. And yes, I have to stop my ice cream craze. I have to lose all these unsightly fats. I need to be able to wear something nice when i hit the beach. And when will that be?

3. I need to change my breakfast food. Milk/Cereal/Oreo OR Nutella/Walter Wheat Bread/Sunkist. Choice 1 or 2. Choice 2 or 1. Will it ever change? I seriously need to alter my taste. I feel like im going crazy. That goes for my snacks also. Variety spices up life.

4. I wanna go home again. I miss Rhys. And i miss Homer. And my new niece, come December. I'll dress her up nice, yey! I'm so excited.

5. I want a home. I miss Mama.

A year and a half more, Lord. Grace. Grace.

Then the exciting things.

Go Rianne, go Rianne, go! (I think my occasional audible chants to cheer myself up freak my roommate out. :-)) But i warned her that i really talk to myself, though. :-) I'm really crazy like that.

August 09, 2008


I lost my eyeglasses. And i can't get over it. :-(

From OLA to Long Island to the Law Library to the Shopping Center to the dorm. There somewhere. :-(

Sana Lord, i can have them back until Monday. :-( I won't enjoy Sunday service without them. :-(

August 06, 2008

It's been a year ma

And a lot of people miss you.

Bauang misses you.

And God knows how much i miss you.

Forgetting, they say, is choosing not to remember. But i do remember. No matter what I do. I try hard to be surrounded by people, just to entertain myself, to stop myself from dwelling on how much i wanna be with you. Yesterday, i stayed at the library until evening. And i passed the time by looking at the books people read - HIV, making friends, nursing review, a biographical entry in Encyclopedia Americana, a thin reading, Calculus. In the dorm, it is good not to go home to an empty room, because there's someone to talk to.

But at the end of the day, when everyone's asleep, the feeling that i try hard to drown resurfaces ma. And it's not even being angry at the murderers nor is it about self pity having no mom to check on me daily.

I think about you ma. And how i wish to hold you. How i wish to talk to you and tell you my secrets. How i wish to sleep beside you at night and have breakfast with you in the morning. How i wish to walk hand in hand with you. How i wish to kiss you when i get home. How i wish to stop you from shopping. How i wish to comment on your fashion style. How i wish to disagree with how you run the house and our family. How i wish to joke about my upcoming wedding. How i wish to annoy you with my practical jokes. How i wish to make you feel guilty when you go out for your so called social functions while i stay home. How i wish to get angry at you when you can't explain what happened in that TV show you were watching. How i want to get all the stuff you stock in my room because there's no more space for them in your room. How i want to stop you from being so generous to your relatives. How i want to be your bratty daughter. How i wish to say i love you after every phone call.

How i wish you were here, alive.

I miss you so much ma and the good person that you are.

I love you so much.

All the more, i want to go to heaven already. Just to give you another hug ma. But you won't like that. Because i know, you want your children living a full life.

And i'll do just that ma. I'll do that.