December 11, 2008

December thoughts

I can't give anyone my age in an instant. When i last filled up a form before i had my cleaning done at the dental clinic, I still had to do a little arithmetic before i was able to fill up the blank next to the word, age.

let X be my age
X = the current year minus 1980;
if current month < September, subtract one from X;
if current month = September AND current day < 17, subtract one from X;

In short, i can't access my age from my brain in an instant the same way i can't access how things at the grocery store cost. I like math a lot but my brain just doesn't have a good storage place for significant numbers worth keeping in there. The same goes with a lot of other things, but that's a different story altogether.

Anyway, when i went past 18, i somehow stopped counting.

I realize that now, I'm only two years away from 30. It's amazing that i'm probably done with a third of my life or who knows, maybe half.

And I'm not married. I haven't bought my own car. I haven't built my own house. Worse, i don't have a real job. I am a student at 28. But i have stopped complaining. I am happy i went to law school four years back and i know God put me where i am for a reason.

But then, it kind of puts me on the defensive when life seems to be all rosy. When Rhys was a baby, the moment he puts on weight that his face looked like rosy siopao, we'd all be worried. He would get sick eventually when at this stage. Then he gets a little thinner. It's good that cycle came to a stop already.

As for me, my life is like a wave. It gains momentum, goes up, then down. God serves the menu courses like sandwich. Good, bad, good. I'm thankful each time an earthquake shakes my life, i've stored enough gas (aka happiness) already that it makes it less difficult to face tough stuff. Of course, i know that God is always with me.

Come to think of it, i don't have a clear idea on what i really want to do after this but i'm in faith that God has a lot of great things in store for me.

Soon there's Christmas and i can't wait to be with my loved ones to celebrate the season. Food. Food. Food. And lots of stories to tell. And lots of gifts to receive.

Thank God for a great year.

December 05, 2008

And i can relate

so much. So much.

"I am not a technician. I'm a scientist."
- Elson


November 23, 2008

Why I am So Ecstatic

I'm on cloud nine realizing that the God i serve has boundless mercy and compassion. That each time i fall short, i can go to Him with a sincere heart to ask for forgiveness. And guess what, He will forgive me and forget about my sin, every single time. I love God. :-)

Psalm 51

From the Inside Out
(Hillsong United)

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

on a Divine High :-)
and i can't stop smiling

November 16, 2008

Why God is Amazing

1. I have a newborn nephew! Can't wait to hold him in my arms and pretend that i'm his mother. Another playmate is born, yahoo. Thank God my sis gave birth safely. Thank God, for another miracle. I love babies and children. I can relate to them waaaay better than i relate to all other types of people.

2. A while ago, it was announced in Victory-QC that Pastor Edgar Gorre, his wife Jeng Gorre and family are transferring to Victory-Fort. I was saddened, but at the same time excited for what God is doing for the whole Victory Church and for what is in store for their family there. Kuya Edgar and Ate Jeng were my cellgroup leaders when i was that young probinsiyana in Ateneo in my first year of college. They prayed for me and discipled me and now, a lot of what i base my decisions on are still things that i learned from them. Thinking about it, i still freshly recall after sooo many years how i actually asked them questions and how they answered and how they told me things. It's amazing how God uses people to touch our lives and i'm blessed to have known them both.

3. I'm also excited for the coming Convergence at the Araneta. Probably for Christmas. Ladeedadeeda...

Now, my readings are missing me since Friday. I pray, God, for discipline and grace.

November 12, 2008

To be flattered or not

Last semestral break, although i didn't get to do the real work i so carefully planned out beforehand, i made myself useful. And even if i dragged my nephew to my daily dates that perhaps got him sick just right in time for trick or treat, i managed to devote a good part of one afternoon teaching him division.

Now, i am not sure if he remembers how we did division. But when asked to divide, he keeps muttering or maybe mimicking what i told him to remember. After illustrating our division lessons with a pack of Flat Tops, I said, to memorize the multiplication table is a must because...

"When you have no more candies to divide with, that's when multiplication comes in."

I think, he'll like philosophy.

Losing a lot lately

And it gets worse

Rianne: Tingnan mo nga kung may black pearl earrings diyan.
Homer: Wala naman. Bain! Nakawala na naman ng alahas ng nanay niya!
Rianne: Yung galing Palawan yon.
Homer: La! Winala niya bigay ni mama! Bain! Isusumbong kita!

November 05, 2008

Money and happiness

In one study, a psychologist named Miriam Tatzel, PhD, of Empire State College, State University of New York, compared peoples’ spending habits with their sense of well-being.

Her study of 329 students examined what types of spenders are the happiest. She observed that there are generally four groups of people with different combinations of the trait frugality and materialistic.

1. First group: frugal and materialistic. They look for sales on high-price items.
2. Second group: not frugal and materialistic. Big spenders who rack up credit card debt to buy, buy, buy, and are the least happy.
3. Third group: frugal and not materialistic. Financial planner Melvin Esteban of Motivating Minds would most likely call people in this group “Ilokanong Intsik”, which is what he calls himself proudly
4. Fourth group: Not frugal and not materialistic. People who pay little attention to prices and don’t care what others have. They are the happiest.

Any violent reactions?


I'm between the third and fourth group perhaps.

November 04, 2008

October 15, 2008

I don't like IP

Warning: Opinionated

Intellectual property is generally based on selfishness. Before the concept of patents came in, innovations were constantly taking shape; the age of enlightenment, the industrial revolution, the discovery of electricity and all things conveniently laid out in our science books.

Lets say that the life of a patent lasts for 20 years. Will we wait 20 years to build on the formula for a basic antibiotic just to create a cure for all the illnesses cropping up at this age?

Did Darwin, Pasteur, Faraday have any incentive (aka monetary reward) just to discover something useful? They didn't. And this is used by pharmaceutical companies to justify their sky high prices.

Faraday never took out a patent on electricity because he reasoned that it was a manifestation of God's power. Imagine how much electricity would cost if he started as early as his discovery to patent electricity. Then others who built on his discovery started patenting their electronic devices. I mean, isn't that unfair?

I hate IP especially as regards medicines. One basic principle in the development of modern science and engineering is "DO NOT REINVENT THE WHEEL."

However, because things of all sorts are patented, we wait 20 or so years to innovate on other people's inventions. Researchers always have to start from scratch and do it their own way, for two decades. It was only after the second world war that patents were allowed on medicines. The reason they were not patented before was because people were afraid that only certain persons/entities will monopolize the knowledge of potentially life saving information. That is where we are right now.

Before, science seemed so noble because people just wanted to "know" so they do all these observations and experiments, especially in the age of metaphysics. Now, what, we have to have millions of dollars in incentives to search for cures for illnesses that are killing a lot of people in this planet daily?

Aren't we glad the Chinese did not patent their noodles, or the Japanese their sushi, or all the older scientific inventions that radically made our lives today more convenient?

It is not right to stifle growth just to enrich a company that invested in R&D. As a student of business, i think these companies can easily recoup their investments in five or so years. Besides, governments (even the Philippines) allot a large part of the budget in subsidies for researches. This can be improved further.

To be continued... Im just taking a break from a marathon of final exams.

October 12, 2008

Pati si Homer, miss ka

I am so sure, he'll sort of kill me when he finds out that i'm blogging about it for all the madlang people to see. The good thing is, he doesn't read blogs.

So you, kung binabasa mo to, sorry ha. Bwahahaha.


"I miss the times that i'll arrive in your house tapos may crispy pata ako. Or the time when she gave us money para mag Oasis para lang tumigil tayong mag-away. I miss your mom."

So Mama, pagkain na naman?

Manang mana ako sa yo.

October 08, 2008

Do you miss me

Ashley baby doggie.

October 06, 2008

Father, sana kahit hanggang Supreme Court

Thank you Lord.

erratum: misquoted daw si ate

Thank you Lord.

Thank you Lord.

October 05, 2008

I rest my soul in Christ alone

Father, please help me overcome my abusive sleeping habits (i.e. 10-11 hours a day minus naps!), my equally abusive surfing lifestyle and my equally abusive texting/calling.

I love you Lord. Thank you for making every Sunday worthwhile.

The more we time we spend with God, the more that His holiness rubs off on us.

Mood: blessed and happy!

Please pray for

the promulgation of judgment in the murder case, Monday, October 6.

Please God, may your justice prevail.

Thank you.

October 01, 2008

I remember

Midtown Food Plaza
United Food Palace
Hen Haw

Chinese food, Ma. Your comfort at least twice-weekly Chinese food.

I miss you. And the food, too.

La Union, are you pulling me back?

September 29, 2008

Mama naman e

Kain tayo sa labas, gusto ko ng steak
Ma, Jollibee na lang, ayoko na ng Chinese food
Punta tayong Anna Liza's, gusto ko ng asado
Bilhan mo ko nung cheese mamon
Gusto ko ng muffins
Ma, bili ka ng cake sa Cafe Esperanza
Ma, tabihan kita
Nood tayo ng tv
Anong nangyari kahapon?
Nanonood ka ba?
Makinig ka sa kwento ko
Homer, Homer, Homer, Homer
Samahan kita sa Gateway
Samahan kita magshopping
Tulog tayo sa hotel
Puntahan kita sa opisina mo
Sunduin mo ako
Bakit lagi ka sa Baguio?
Dito ka naman mag-weekend a
Mag o overtime ka ulit?
Ma, tawag ka, may sugat ako
Ma, masakit ang ulo ko
Ayokong magpadoktor na mag-isa
Kung may sakit ako, ayoko ng ibang mag-aalaga
Gusto ko ikaw lang
Ma, papakasal na ko
Ma, may sasabihin daw sa yo si Homer
San tayo ngayong summer?
Sama ako sa yo sa kasal
Pwede akong tumabi sa presidential table?
Sama ako sa fiesta
Manonood ulit ako nung beauty pageant
Wag ka na mag-opisina
Magkwentuhan na lang tayo
Samahan mo na lang ako rito
Akin na lang tong regalo mo
Ma, buksan ko na yung mga gifts mo ha?
Gusto ko ng tsokolate
Ma, kain na tayo
Bakit kasi ayaw mo?
Ma, ang arte mo
Ma, sa ilalim ng Mangga tayo kumain
This is the life
Timplahan kita ng kape
Anong iniisip mo?
Anong problema mo?
Ma, may bisita ka na naman
Huwag ka nang magbowling
Huwag ka nang magtabletennis
Huwag ka nang magballroom
Andito na nga ako e
Ma, huwag mong bilhin yan
Huwag ka nang bumili niyan
Binabasa mo ba lahat ng magazine subscriptions mo?
May bagong damit ka na naman?
May bagong sapatos ka na naman?
Hindi bagay sa yo
Ma, masyado kang maraming accessories
Tinatago mo pa
Masyado kang magastos
Saan ka pupunta ngayon?
Pwede akong sumama?
I miss you ma.

September 27, 2008

I Recommend

Isang Panaginip na Fili, Dulaang UP, by Floy Quintos

The finale got me thinking. The song was addressed to Pepe (Rizal) who wrote such a poignant story and the message was something like:

Ang ganda ng mga panaginip mo
Baka naman para sa amin ito
Ano pa ba ang mga iniisip mo

Noon mo pa sinulat ito
Bakit hanggang ngayon, ganito?

September 25, 2008

Go Ateneo!

Halikinu Kinikina
Halikinu Kinikina
Yea bo yea bo
Ateneo rah!

September 16, 2008

Who is God?

The centrality of God's character is holiness.

We often neglect to think about this. We always see him as a God of love, a loving Father, a Friend, a lover of our souls, a forgiving God, which are all attributes of God, anyway. However, God is also a holy God.

No wonder, in the Old Testament, they had to perform all sorts of 'rituals' because they cannot approach the presence of God without being clean. This is precisely why Jesus (a high and mighty God) still had to become human. He came to save us and cleanse us and make us worthy to go in the presence of God. This is why Jesus came to bridge the gap. He came to make us holy too. Otherwise, we are nothing.

Moses had to bow low when God appeared before him. When Moses appeared before the Israelites after this encounter, they all felt fear (just looking at someone who saw God). There is no way we can explain the majesty of God. Even seraphs, who are without sin, cover their faces out of fear.

Noone can come close.

And yet, we... us, silly people are still overwhelmingly loved by God. All our lives, He is a Father who longs for us to come back to Him. He is HIGH, MIGHTY, EXALTED and still he cares enough to provide for our every meal and our peace and security.

We relate to a holy God. There is no way to go but to set ourselves apart also. Not because we want to merit his favor. Not because we are afraid of punishment.

We are called to be holy because the only response to God's holiness is holiness. He is worthy of the highest kind of respect.

He is high upon His throne and He is gracious enough to call us His children. He will wipe away our tears and as a shepherd carries a lamb, God carries us close to His heart.

But he is holy.


September 12, 2008

i miss you mama...


September 04, 2008

My (other) crush

Una, pumunta siyang Baguio. Kasi yung litrato niya sa Friendster e kuha sa SM e. (Hindi ba niya alam, taga doon na ako!?)

Pangalawa, nagpagupit siya. (Hindi ba niya alam na minus pogi points yon? O baka naman, magkaka indirect contempt na siya dahil sa itsura niya.)

Pangatlo, ampangit ng mukha niya. Boohoohoo. Sa litrato lang. :-)

Kailangan kasi, long hair e. Kailangan unshaven. Kailangan naka gray suit.


If only i can see the other pictures. Private profile e.


Have a life. Have a Kitkat.

August 30, 2008

Guess what i have been reading lately

Err, scanning actually, not reading (in my terms)

I thank that person who conveniently left a book on the table, which i would later use the other day. (I became a mainlibrat recently because i enjoy the aura of enthusiasm among the undergrad inside the main library compared to the tense and competitive aura at the law library. Furthermore, i look forward to my ten minute breaks reading on general information. I mean, what book breaks can i have in the law lib right?)

Anyway, the person i owe utmost gratitude to, left "The Origin of Species." Yes, Charles Darwin.

Okay, i learned that Mr. Darwin's dad wanted him to be a doctor. He went to Edinburgh for that but, reading between the lines, he didn't want medicine (baka nga delinquent pa e) and he instead focused on other things (na nerd pa rin). He wanted to become a clergyman instead, and for that, he went to Cambridge. There, guess what he did? He collected insects and studied them and noted the differentiated characteristics of each of their species. He married and spent the rest of his life in seclusion because of, yes, more nerdom.

In the latter part of his life he wrote the book. (Gusto ko lang itong isingit, kasi iniisip ko, pag scientist ka ba, kailangan ganon ka? Or nasa age of methaphysical search pa rin ba siya? Gusto ko ring maging scientist and contribute to this dying world.)

I've read the Bible and the book of Genesis, which narrates creation done in a week's time. This book and his later book, "The Descent of Man", outlines a painstaking evolution of current lifeforms.

Two chapters of the book deal with difficulties and objections to the theory of evolution, well, natural selection rather. This book is also (and obviously) full of assumptions and contradictions that Darwin himself didn't attempt to explain. He, himself, wrote in his book that he is ignorant about a lot of things and that he can't answer every difficulty just yet (or maybe never). He said, that how the eye focuses and adjusts depending on the amount of light present can never be attributed to natural selection, for example.

Since grade school, we discuss this theory and the impression i have is that evolution is so scientific, logical and rational. I read and get the idea that the Creation story is so backwards and irrational and the like. That the Bible was written ages ago and people then didn't have that much scientific knowledge. And my teachers take pains in having us bridge the gap, in our minds, Creation to the theory of evolution. So i have to think that God is not bound by days and the days may be millions of years and all that, just so they will not be contradictory. Or that the Genesis account should not be taken literally and that it makes use of figures of speech.

Or is it just me? But why? Why do we have to reconcile them in the first place?

Evolution is a theory and remains to be that to this day. A theory is just a model. Its a testable model which we can use to predict things but is in no way certain.

Take the Big Bang theory, as well, also a theory. That says, we all developed and came from a humongous explosion spreading matter throughout space. But scientific.

Isn't the Bible a product of social SCIENCE too? It was passed by oral tradition. Historical accounts are not expected to be totally accurate. I mean, even Philippine history is complicated by several historians who have different points of view.

Back to what i want to say, why that discrimination? Science vs. Theology.

You see, the Big Bang theory bridged to Darwin's natural selection is also irrational. How do you bridge the gap between non life to life? How do you explain why men still have mammary glands if there is indeed natural selection? Our appendices?

How do you explain how amazingly complicated our bodies have become? How can you not be in awe of how self regulating our bodies are? Goose bumps, our sebaceous glands, fever and our immune system, breathing, the valves that make our hearts and pulses beat. Man! I mean, man! These never fail to blow my mind away.

Isn't it all magical? In the same way that the Bible too is magical. So why regard the other less, when in fact, they're on the same footing? (I mean, in terms of being rational. Of course i'll say that the Bible is the most powerful book of all time.)

I don't understand why people will rather believe that noone powerful was responsible for these developments and that Big Bang to evolution happened on its own without any Godly intervention. Fine. And then say that this is SCIENCE. In the course of time, these happened, sans explanation.

Kasi ganito. Let things be, it's alright. It's science. Add God in the picture, it's irrational already. Di ba?

And i don't understand why believing that God had a hand in these things is what, unbelievable? Magic, irrational. While letting things happen on their own is more rational.

Aren't both situations (for lack of a better term in my mind) magical?

I have to clarify that i am not saying that just because we cannot explain things, the only thing left is that there is a God. No, that's not what i mean. What i'm saying is, pareho silang may magic e so why regard the other less.

But still i say, what pride to not accept that a God exists.

August 20, 2008

E mabait lang talaga siya e


From my sister's blog:

Yesterday, Pastor Lino and I had the chance to talk...

"Talaga nga love ti taga-Bauang ni Mamam anya? Adda ti nagdakkel nga streamer na nga nakakabil jay market - Remembering Felicidad Picar (something like that)."


Those from Bauang really love your Mom right? There's a big streamer in the market saying - Remembering Felicidad Picar (something like that).

So Mister --, we nor our late mom don't need a political handler to evoke sympathies nor grief nor outraged sentiments from what happened. We don't need someone to order her friends to put up a banner to remember her death anniversary. Does friendship and respect mean anything to you anyway? Or you just base it on popularity. Or maybe you just choose to see the negative side of things. And impress and rub it upon others who do not need your negativity.

I regret ever thinking that you can be of any help. You just made things worse anyway.

Well, i just need to write this down to let go of the matter.

After a year, i am just realizing things anew, including the ungentlemanly reaction i got from you. All i felt was that you ended whatever hope i had in lawyers and lawyering. And you successfully doubled how bad i felt that time. It's just that, i felt bad. And i regret approaching you in the first place.

Que horror! How come i didn't think about these things then? I could've at least defended the memory of my decent mother. I blame it on the trauma of the moment.

I hate you. But with God's grace, i'm throwing you, you filthy rock.


Sabi nga sa forum kanina, no war, give peace a chance.


My new crush said "I read not for pleasure. I read for knowledge."

Somehow, it made me assess my own aim in reading. I myself read for knowledge. I want to learn things. I want to know the world. I want to see different perspectives. That for me is pleasure.

I read a lot too. My common day would be: Read the Bible the moment i wake up. Read the news. Read for school (which at times is not as pleasurable though). At night, read gossip aka blogs. Then read a chapter or two of my current book, if i do have one, to put me to sleep (law school sked, mostly Christian books or nonfic).

So i say. I read for knowledge. And knowing is pleasurable.

But my new crush is so guapo.

August 17, 2008

Random thoughts

1. I found my eyeglasses somewhere in school. Thank you Lord. :-)

2. I have to jog more often. I have to jog and not sleep afterwards until almost lunchtime. And yes, I have to stop my ice cream craze. I have to lose all these unsightly fats. I need to be able to wear something nice when i hit the beach. And when will that be?

3. I need to change my breakfast food. Milk/Cereal/Oreo OR Nutella/Walter Wheat Bread/Sunkist. Choice 1 or 2. Choice 2 or 1. Will it ever change? I seriously need to alter my taste. I feel like im going crazy. That goes for my snacks also. Variety spices up life.

4. I wanna go home again. I miss Rhys. And i miss Homer. And my new niece, come December. I'll dress her up nice, yey! I'm so excited.

5. I want a home. I miss Mama.

A year and a half more, Lord. Grace. Grace.

Then the exciting things.

Go Rianne, go Rianne, go! (I think my occasional audible chants to cheer myself up freak my roommate out. :-)) But i warned her that i really talk to myself, though. :-) I'm really crazy like that.

August 09, 2008


I lost my eyeglasses. And i can't get over it. :-(

From OLA to Long Island to the Law Library to the Shopping Center to the dorm. There somewhere. :-(

Sana Lord, i can have them back until Monday. :-( I won't enjoy Sunday service without them. :-(

August 06, 2008

It's been a year ma

And a lot of people miss you.

Bauang misses you.

And God knows how much i miss you.

Forgetting, they say, is choosing not to remember. But i do remember. No matter what I do. I try hard to be surrounded by people, just to entertain myself, to stop myself from dwelling on how much i wanna be with you. Yesterday, i stayed at the library until evening. And i passed the time by looking at the books people read - HIV, making friends, nursing review, a biographical entry in Encyclopedia Americana, a thin reading, Calculus. In the dorm, it is good not to go home to an empty room, because there's someone to talk to.

But at the end of the day, when everyone's asleep, the feeling that i try hard to drown resurfaces ma. And it's not even being angry at the murderers nor is it about self pity having no mom to check on me daily.

I think about you ma. And how i wish to hold you. How i wish to talk to you and tell you my secrets. How i wish to sleep beside you at night and have breakfast with you in the morning. How i wish to walk hand in hand with you. How i wish to kiss you when i get home. How i wish to stop you from shopping. How i wish to comment on your fashion style. How i wish to disagree with how you run the house and our family. How i wish to joke about my upcoming wedding. How i wish to annoy you with my practical jokes. How i wish to make you feel guilty when you go out for your so called social functions while i stay home. How i wish to get angry at you when you can't explain what happened in that TV show you were watching. How i want to get all the stuff you stock in my room because there's no more space for them in your room. How i want to stop you from being so generous to your relatives. How i want to be your bratty daughter. How i wish to say i love you after every phone call.

How i wish you were here, alive.

I miss you so much ma and the good person that you are.

I love you so much.

All the more, i want to go to heaven already. Just to give you another hug ma. But you won't like that. Because i know, you want your children living a full life.

And i'll do just that ma. I'll do that.

July 31, 2008

Happiness is subprime mortgage crisis knowledge

So, how do i communicate this to my friends? How do i tell everyone of my newfound happiness without sounding like an alien from a galaxy other than Milky Way even?

I went to a career development talk yesterday about, yes, subprime mortgages in the US. And there i sat in the class of the best teacher (in my book) so far. Things are really looking up for me, you know, i recently just found my new favorite Sunday service preacher and now i came face to face with my newest favorite teacher.

Oh yes, Ateneo Philosophy and Padre Ferriol's 'Meron', I love knowledge (to the extent of sounding weird, utterly floating and crazy). I think the reason i click with Homer is because we can be contented by just watching the National Geographic channel all day. I have spent almost four years in my current school where the teachers do not so much teach as much as they terrorize me into teaching myself (for fear of getting a "--" grade (and those are initials, by the way) or for fear of humiliation in class. Being taught anew like this is more than refreshing.

He was there, just talking like a good old friend explaining to me matter-of-factly about the significance of playing dirty street games (like tumbang preso or agawan-base) outside his house in his early years like it is the only way to have a normal childhood. And i was there sitting, wishing for him to call me for recitation (o di ba?) thinking something like, Sir, i know the answer.

Well, after the whole thing, i told my seatmate, "so, subprime mortgages, yun lang pala yon?"

Kasi naman, una kong basa nung isa naming reading para sa isang klase, ang intindi ko lang e ganito:

Maraming taong nagsangla ng bahay, tapos, nagtaasan ang interest rates sa mga kontrata nila na hindi naman nila alam na mangyayari, kaya yon, na foreclose ang mga bahay nila. Ngayon, dahil maraming bahay sa market, gamit ang law of supply and demand, bababa siyempre ang presyo ng mga bahay.

O di ba, so, ano naman ngayon? Sabi nga ni Attorney, "why is everyone blaming it for the bad things that are happening in the world today", if that is the whole point?

Oh well. It's because my understanding missed the point. What made the problem happen was the other half of the story (which is bigger, so mathematically, maybe 16/25 of the story) - securitization. That only meant, the loans secured by their mortgages were sold as shares/bonds to investors. Since these mortgages were subprime (meaning, the borrowers did not actually have a solid credit rating), these securities started defaulting when the interest rates fluctuated up. The effect of loans not being paid lead to the banks becoming stringent in lending. To compensate for the foregone volume of their income, they raised interest rates instead. Higher interest rates lead to less borrowing. Less borrowing lead to less investments. Less investments mean lesser jobs, lesser spending, lesser productivity.

In short, the global economic slowdown.

And why am i so happy about it.

It's knowledge man, it's knowledge. My dear Philo teachers should have given me an A. My sense of wonder deserves an A Padre. :-)

July 20, 2008

I miss her a lot

otherwise, i'm okay.

I love these moments (they recurred a lot when she was still here). Pardon the dialect. The private jokes lose meaning when i translate the conversations so i wrote them as they happened.

Indulgence (dining table)

me: Ma, (eating while looking at the wall mirror), lika nga.
ma: (comes to me and knowing what to do, puts her face beside mine and smiles at the mirror too)
(we both smile in front of the mirror)
me: Ma, napudpudaw rupak ngem sikan o (because my face is the darkest part of my body, i think, since 5th grade). Nagpintasak ni.
ma: (smiles and leaves)

Future plans that never came to be (on the way to San Fernando)

me: Ma, may sasabihin daw sa yo si Homer.
homer: (accelerates)
me: Umuli met kanon
ma: (laughter)
me: Alla, sweets, ibagamon a.
ma: Kabutbuteng. Nagpardas (subtle way of telling Homer to go 80kph if not 60, her speed).

Her bedroom

ma: (rushing out of the bathroom, running late)
me: (right after waking up, reading magazines in her bed or occasionally having extended sleep)
ma: addattoy ka manen. ni, iniddaam man data bado kon. nakunesen.
ma: ayanna diay bag ko? nangipanam? haay, mitir.
me: (suddenly awake, sits in front of her mirror, plucks eyebrows)
ma: inka idiay! adda ka man ittoyen.
ma: inkan ta agsukatakon. maladawakon.
ma: (unsuccessful)

Her bedroom (again)

me: (on the bed)
rhys: (playing with her manicure/pedicure set)
ma: (rushing out of the bathroom, running late for work)
rhys: (bringing out her bag, playing with her stuff)
ma: Rhys, stop that! I'll spank you! One, two... (Rhys' system of discipline prohibits anyone from spanking him, except for his parents.)
ma: inkayo idiay pay. agsukatak!
me: (ignores her)
rhys: (plays with her documents)
ma: (never successful)


ma: (in the morning) Rianne, anya ti kayat mo?
me: Awan met, uray anya.
ma: (at night, brings home Hen Haw crispy pata or my favorite Danish baker muffins or that cheese mamon from Bauang, which i miss and crave for a lot)
ma: Apanak agballroom a.
me: Ma, tatta ak la ngarud nga adda ittoyen, panawan nak manen!
ma: (giggles like a teenager)
me: (never successful, unless i feign sickness)

Future plans (again)

me: Ma, agkasar kami kanun.
me: Umuli kano ni Homer inton bigat. Umay kanu.
ma: Wen, sige latta a.
ma: (smiles)
ma: Sige latta ta agballroomak.

Parental advice

(eating dinner)
(dinner topic was homer and i)
ma: If you feel like kissing, kiss!
me: (loud heartfelt laughter)
homer: (red)


me and homer OR me and ate: (deep conversation)
ma: (enters)
ma: (fixes/cleans/looks for/transfers/gets/etc stuff)
me and homer OR me and ate: (deep conversation)
ma: (stops doing whatever)
ma: (sits with us)
ma: says her piece
me/ate: (laughter) apo ni mama, di na naawatan! nakiparticipate pay!
homer: (stops talking)


ma: anya kayat mo?
me: awan met, uray anya.
ma: inta mangan diay ruar.
me: kastoy kon. diak agdigosen.
ma: urnusem man met ta bagim.
ma: agsukat ka met.
ma: (never successful)
me: intan, Ma.

July 15, 2008

may kwento ako

Kanina sa banyo, mag-isa lang ako. Sarado ang dalawang pintuan. Naghihilamos ako sa gitnang lababo sa harap ng salamin. May narinig ako sa likod ko. Dalawang padyak ng paa (na may tsinelas). Tumingin ako sa likod ko, wala namang tao. Inisa-isa ko lahat ng cubicles. Wala talagang tao. At hindi bumukas/sumara kailanman ang dalawang pintuan. E di naghilamos pa rin ako. Akala niya, matatakot ako. No way, man. :-)

Mga litrato noong Linggo.

July 05, 2008

User friendly

Pang telepono lang, di maganda sa tao.

June 30, 2008

Let's live our best life now!

Zero or Max Series in the next coming Sundays at VCF QC.

Do attend any of the 9am, 11am, 3pm (Filipino), 5pm services at the UP Film Center, Diliman.

I'm excited about this. The Sunday services will focus on maximizing our potentials. Success, prosperity and most of all, being an agent of blessings for others. Actually living God's pre-ordained purpose for (what God sees as) our precious existence.

June 28, 2008

A mere whisper

Do I have to know something?
Do you want to say anything?
Tell me, I'll close my eyes and listen
To the melody of your familiar voice

What are you thinking?
Talk to me, your words are always soothing
They lull me to sleep in a swaying hammock
While the soft breeze grazes my skin

How are you feeling?
Embrace me, and whisper in my ear
Let me feel the warmth of your breath
Let me hear you once again.

June 24, 2008

You oughta know

Do you know that cockroaches are living fossils?

Yes, they are prehistoric. And i am currently preoccupied with the looming threat of cockroaches invading my universe but my stay in this world is just a privilege.

All i can do is wait for the next disaster.

And lizards give me goosebumps.


June 21, 2008


May sira ang telepono ko (ang malanding telepono ng nanay ko). Kailangan ko munang ikabit ang aking headset bago ninyo ako marinig. In other words,

be patient.

I love rain. I love waking up to the ticky tock tock of precipitation falling on the roof and the curtain of raindrops outside the window.

Yun nga lang, I'm sick again. I think the toll of travelling from QC to Baguio to La Union to Baguio to QC, then having a 9 to 9 schedule on a certain day, the alternating rain and hot weather, and having backlogs on the 2nd week of class have sapped my good health. I feel better at least.

Travel tips:

1. Nowadays, an ordinary bus charges P72.00 (Baguio to La Union). A Partas bus (aircon) will charge only P55.00 (La Union to Baguio). I don't know when Partas will increase the bus fare. Kaya isipin mo kung gaano kalugi ang pakiramdam ko na umupo sa matigas na upuan habang hinahangin ang buong mukha ko pababa ng Baguio at malalaman na malayong mas mura ang Partas at may umaalis silang bus kada oras! Grrr.

2. Victory Liner has increased fare (Baguio-Manila) from 384 to 450. That's a lot. And they don't have student fare Saturdays and Sundays. Guess why? Wala raw pasok. And guess what? Hindi ako nakaangal. Itinago ko ulit sa bag ko ang aking ID at wala akong nasabi. Dapat pala pag estudyante ka, Lunes hanggang Biyernes ka lang lumabas ng bahay. Mmm, elementary o high school?

June 19, 2008

Isn't our brain amazing

Got this from Omar's blog.


If you see this lady turning in clockwise you are using your right brain. If you see it the other way, you are using left brain. Some people do see both ways, but most people see it only one way. See if you can make her go one way and then the other by shifting the brain's current.

Experimentation has shown that the two different sides, or hemispheres, of the brain are responsible for different manners of thinking.

Left Brain - logical, sequential, rational, analytical, objective, looks at parts
Right Brain - random, intuitive, holistic, sythesizing, subjective, looks at wholes

Most individuals have a distinct preference for one of these styles of thinking. Some, however, are more whole-brained and equally adept at both modes. In general, schools tend to favor left-brain modes of thinking, while downplaying the right-brain activities. Left-brain scholastic subjects focus on logical thinking, analysis, and accuracy. Right-brained subjects, on the other hand, focus on aesthetics, feeling, and creativity.

If you look away, she may switch from one direction to the other.

June 05, 2008

Lost my phone

So please text me and say your name so i can save your number again (same number okay?). Thanks.

The good news? I did not lose the 500 i mentioned in an earlier post.

June 02, 2008

SIP3 Dinner at Gerry's Grill


Nawalan ako ng five hundred. Huhuhu.

Big deal no. Last time i lost something valuable (meaning more than 200 pesos) was when i lost my Nokia cellphone to a snatcher in Baguio, something like 6 or 7 years ago. :-(

May 22, 2008

Wow, summer is almost over

But i'm still swamped with work. Two plus one more hearing and two more pleadings. God help me.

So far, i have attended at last a hearing for People vs. Ordona/Abay/Whatever. And yes, to those who know the story, it is important to me!

Please include the case in your prayers and protection for my whole family as well. Sana Lord, managot yung totoong may kasalanan.

I know God is good. And life has been good. So many things are passionately brewing. I love it!

May 06, 2008


2 Corinthians 2

Forgiveness for the Sinner

5 If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent—not to put it too severely. 6 The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. 7 Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8 I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. 9 The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. 10 If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, 11 in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.

May 03, 2008

I feel so complete.

Dahil kaya sa bago kong kinababaliwang sizzling sisig with egg sa Lutong Kapitbahay with their saba con yelo?

Honestly, i think i have recovered from my tampororot mode with the richest Dad in the whole wide universe. I'm slowly inching back in to my very passionate relationship with Him before the infamous thing happened. It's really nice to have time to block out the noise of everyday life to meditate on His goodness and be excited to hear from Him the moment i open my eyes to greet the new day.

That's what i didn't have for almost a year now. I had faith and God's grace was everywhere, but my Christianity was ummm, unremarkable? Although, i always said it was normal, i didn't really have to shy away from talking to Him the way i used to. All these time, people are telling me how strong i was through it all but it's really Him who is there supporting every ligament of this frail soul. I have prayed and fasted at the start of the year for God to remove major recurring pests in my life and so far, the results have been amazing. Not everything is answered of course, but i am sure they will come. And i'm excited.

Ika nga sa Java, Hello World.

April 24, 2008

Dear God

I pray that you free up my time so that i can attend to matters that concern mama. And please tell mama i love and miss her so much.

Kasi naman e. Kung sana hindi ako _____ ni ____ e. Sigh.

April 21, 2008

Happy together

April 20, QM

April 14, 2008

You caught me

with your three day old beard
and your long unkempt hair
your long sleeved shirt in loud pink
unable to hide your muscular physique

it was your silver earrings
matching your fair skin
or your height
as tall as your workload

the intimidating environment
freezes with your coolness
the spotlight is on you
and your voice fills the room

crush kita


April 03, 2008

Rhys' Baby Blues

me: Rhys, sleep with me when the baby comes out.
Rhys: Ummm, no. You go take care of the baby and when there's takki, you say Maanaaaang!
me: Why, do you remember that when i took care of you?
Rhys: Of course! Because you dont like to wipe my pwet. You're bagets you know. You're bagets!

Rhysy Beans: Ma, right its hard to take care of the baby? If she cries, we will all wake up at night time?

Rhysy Bee: Lord, please help Mama not to think that something will happen to our baby. Give her happiness and peace. Help her not to be sad. Protect her and our baby. In Jesus name, amen.

April 02, 2008

Good morning merry sunshine

Cool breeze, fresh air, exotic birds, sweet chirping, Sun signal, peace and quiet

What more can i ask for?

Ang veranda. Bow.

March 31, 2008

Late afternoons

are just pefect.

Don't you just love it?

March 29, 2008

He's my baby

Bart Smart

Kailangan ng buhok ko ng rehab


I know.

I'm full of joy.

I know their love will last me a lifetime, you see.

March 18, 2008

So i got what?


Is it good? Or is it bad?

We'll see. I'll see.

March 16, 2008

Sshhh. Bagong crush ko.


Rianne: Hi Rhys, i miss you.

Rhys: What ever!

Rianne: You love your turtles more than me naman a.

Rhys: I just care about my turtles because they are my cmpany. If i dont have cmpany, who will i stay with? I love you naman a!

Rianne: I dont have company. I miss mommy pa. What.

Rhys: How about you buy a pet so you have company?

Rianne: Pets are not allowed here.

Rhys: Ay. Panget. I love you naman a.

Damdamin at Pagkain

Panahon na naman ng matinding pangungulila ko sa nanay ko. Kaya kung anu-ano na namang pagkain ang nabili ko.

Kanina bumili ako ng abokado na mahihinog daw bukas. Siyempre kailangan ng asukal (white) at ang di pinong gatas na Bear Brand. Yihiii. Nalalasahan ko na siya!

Bumili rin ako ng mansanas, yung Fuji apples. Ayoko nung pulang pula kasi ayoko ng parang bulak na texture. Para lang hindi ako magkape sakaling antukin ako e dapat mag aral e. Kumuha rin ako ng leche flan sa Coop. At paubos na ang mga Snickers at Nestle Crunch ko. Pero marami pa naman akong stock ng Kettle Corn Caramel Pop Corn, Blueberry flavored wafers, Nagaraya, Rebisco Choco Sandwich, Sunkist mango juice, Bear Brand Sterilized (ang sarap ng gatas na to no) at Chips Ahoy.

Pero sabi kanina sa Sunday Service: 'All we need is God.'

All I need is God.

At saka nakakapagod din ang pagnguya at paglagok no.

March 15, 2008

Buhay Dormer

So, i got over the fact that i don't live in Katipunan anymore and i'm now living in a gloomy residence hall located in a rare bird sanctuary in the Metro.

Well, aside from the fact that i'm a stone's throw away from ChoKiss and SC, i have realized how good a decision it was to pack a full house to transfer my so called life to this room at the end of a long hall reminiscent of that of a hospital during the war.

My old place had a balcony where i spied on people walking along B.Gonzales St and what happened inside the neighboring buildings. Now, my room is next to a veranda where a light electric blue bird hovers regularly in the morning. I stay there for an hour or so everyday because that's where i can get cellular signal for Sun so that Homer can patiently listen to my boring stories over the phone. Since January, i also go there in my pajamas late at night, to watch each extravagant fireworks display almost every Friday night. Last night's show was fantastic, i felt like i was in Disneyland. Thank God for the sponsor.

My stay in this dorm is conducive to my need for eight or more hours of sleep, which is somewhat undisciplined for a law student. Back home, they often complain (Mama usually. I miss you ma. :-)) about how long i spend in the bathroom or how they imagine that i've already flushed my head in the toilet. Now, i dont have to worry about it because it takes only about 5 or so minutes to walk to class.

It is a little bit colder here.

I can walk/jog whenever i feel like it around campus. In Katipunan, i'd have to cross over the polluted road before i can jog as an intruder in Ateneo.

Though i hate being close to Bahay ng Alumni because i'm forced to listen to wretched music or loud masters of ceremonies, i can always listen to my own boring music so that i can still focus on studying. Some dormers speak or sing too loudly during my study time also.

But fine, with rent for a whole semester cheaper than a month's in Katipunan, i'd choose to be a dormer without batting an eyelash.

In short, sana matanggap ulit ako for the next school year. Please God.

March 07, 2008

Malapit na ang finals

at malapit na ang aking maiksing bakasyon. Yehey. At makikita ko na ang dalawang pagong ni Rhys. At kakain kasama ni Homer. At kakain ng sariwang lowland vegetables. At manonood ng cable TV. At magbabasa ng librong binili ko noong December. At mag-iisip ng mga paraan kung paano yumaman.

March 04, 2008

Love is

typing a paragraph fluidly in my keyboard
with my eyes closed but without skipping a letter

It is a stare glued to the screen
without batting an eyelash and the picture gets better

It is the beauty of an algorithm
without any unnecessary step with awesome speed

February 25, 2008


Northridge Family Day 08

February 03, 2008

Really a new season

We were fifteen then. We were walking out of the campus when my high school friend told me that he thought I was very lucky. He was comparing me with other people and he knew I had no problems except for little things, such as hiding my childish infatuation from a classmate.

Everything seemed so rosy back then. I had a very close and loving family. I didn’t lack anything financially. I had good grades. I was happy and pretty much living a very normal life waiting for my dreams to happen.

Well, isn’t it, people say that handsome babies grow up not so good looking while not so cute ones grow up beautiful? Well, my life started as a very charming baby. It grew up ugly.

My dad died of complications from diabetes before I even turned eighteen. We never expected it. In fact, my mom even went to work that day and I was left alone with Papa in the hospital. Seeing my Dad breathe his last alone and being the person whom the doctor confirms the bad news with, I thought that was already the hardest thing I could ever suffer in my entire existence. I was my papa’s girl and I grew up dreaming with him of many things, one of which is becoming a lawyer. I haven’t even begun my second year of college when he left me cold in that bare hospital room with a lifeless body.

Life went on though. I even attended summer classes and my classmates were amazed at how I handled the loss. One of them told me she admired me. She noticed the joy inside me amidst all the pain. I knew there were still a lot of other things to be thankful for. I had a good life ahead of me.

My mom stepped up and became mom and dad for me and my sister. She was exceptionally strong and I admired her. When my father died, I worried about nothing except my grief. After his burial, my tired and weary mom even had to accompany me to Manila, worrying that I might have become too affected by my dad’s death to be traveling alone. It never occurred to me at that time, that I was not the only one suffering and that as painful as it felt, life did not easily end that way. My mom had bills to pay, my college education to support, two daughters to raise and a fatherless home to maintain.

We managed pretty well, anyway. I graduated from college and got a good job. After a couple of years, my mom became successful in subtly coercing me into fulfilling papa’s dream of myself becoming a lawyer. I thought that it was hard to argue with a dead man so I tried my so called “luck” in law school. Besides, I wanted it as a young child anyway.

I got accepted. After learning of my resignation, my boss’ wife congratulated me. She said I was so lucky to have qualified to enroll in a good law school. I was elated and I thanked God for the things that were going really well for me.

Little did I know that the nine years after my Dad’s death was a period of preparation for something more awful. Last summer, my mom received several death threats. They were election related. No, she was not a politician. She was a simple government employee in La Union, who had to faithfully fulfill the duty of keeping the ballot boxes safe.

My Mom became paranoid but I was quite unfazed. I felt that I had some sort of immunity already. When Papa left us, I was so sure I’ll be spared from another family member’s death. Besides, my grandfather just passed away the other year. Surely, my mom would grow old and enjoy the company of my children. Surely, our plans of traveling Europe together and her ballroom dancing plans at my wedding reception will come to pass.

I was gravely mistaken. Who else will say that I am lucky? Not when a man riding a motorcycle fired several shots at our house on the eve of the elections. Not when close in security had to stay in the house or go with us to church or eat with us in our favorite restaurants because my mom’s life was in danger. But I thought that was just a phase. Maybe, my mom had to experience VIP treatment once in a while.

I was wrong, in fact so wrong. My whole life crashed when they murdered her.

I was in my room in the dorm preparing for a midterm exam when I got the terrible news. She was about to go to work when a man approached her in front of our house and fired a gun at her chin at close range. It was that fast. A bullet in her brain. It was that simple.

I was stunned, shocked. Ten hours earlier, we were just talking. She was using the same red cellular phone that my cousin used, to break the currently most unwanted news in my life.

I had to leave school behind for a while. I went home unaccompanied and had to sit through the whole trip crying on my seat. I didn’t even notice if the other passengers gawked at me or if they heard each telephone conversation I had to make. I didn’t care if the bus didn’t take my usual route and had to stopover in the airport in Pampanga. It was better to watch the small planes taxi in the runway than to arrive at the morgue, to feel the cold body of my beautiful mother, wearing her Monday office uniform stained with red blood.

Now, I’m waiting for people to tell me again that I’m lucky.

Or aren’t other people feeling lucky when they think of me? Because they didn’t have to go through the same painful events I had to go through in my 27 years on earth. The same friend in high school told me that he can only imagine what I’m going through. He was so right maybe that is why he barely noticed me afterwards. Perhaps, when I was just 15, with my life almost perfect, I wouldn’t expect myself to relate to misery so well either.

But I ran into my college classmate again and she said the same thing. She said she admired me for being so good. I thought, was i so good at disguising pain? I don't know.

I’m trying to have my life go on, the best way i could. Just the way my mom moved on when her better half passed away.

I do cry a lot and I do have a lot of sleepless nights thinking about papa, thinking about mama, thinking about how I will walk down the aisle without anyone giving my hand away to my groom, thinking about my graduation without the person who sent me to school, thinking about having children without grandparents from their mom’s side of the family.

Maybe people expect me to hate the murderers from the gut. Maybe people expect me to strategize a plan of revenge. Maybe I am intelligent enough to do so. But I am not that person.

My mom and dad raised me up well, I never felt I lacked love in my life. This is why I know that a life full of hate isn’t life at all.

Why would I care about them? Do they care if I cry myself to sleep? Do they care if I blog instead of study just so I can get my feelings out? Do they care if I have recurring bouts with self-pity because I don’t have a mother nor a father? Do they care when loneliness envelopes me like crazy? Do they care if I miss them?

Never mind if lawyers don’t want to take my mom’s case for fear of reprisal. Never mind if lawyers don’t want to help us find justice because of all the political color. Never mind that the man who shot my mom has his own private lawyer notwithstanding the fact that he told us he was only interested in my mom’s bag. Never mind if someone told me that my mom is not a famous person and prayer rallies held for her only mean that there is a political handler. Never mind if he told me that there’s almost nothing I can do to make the situation better.

Maybe I’m not really lucky. But who cares? In the first place, I don’t even believe in luck.

We make our own decisions. Yes, there are things totally beyond our control. But I still believe that everything happens for a reason.

My God is just. David beat Goliath. The stammering Moses led the Israelites.

My God is good and powerful. So why should I darken my soul with anger?

My sister and I prayed for the gunman and what a relief it was. To forgive someone does not mean we will also stop a mistake’s consequences. We will seek justice but we will try not to hate anyone.

Sinners go to hell, anyway. My mom, who gave her life to Jesus, is now walking in streets of gold. Someday, I hope to meet her there and I’ll tell her all the wonderful things that happened while she was away. Maybe she knows what’s happening.

My friends and family love me. I don’t go hungry. I’m still alive.

Yes, I’m still blessed. And I have faith that no matter what happens, God is always at work. Even if circumstances say otherwise. I pray everyday. And I have faith, a new season is coming. Maybe one of these days, i'll meet my friend again and hear him talk about how lucky i am or maybe not.

January 27, 2008

A Dozen Updates

1. Lola Lita's at the UP shopping center has never failed me. My taste buds are so freakingly compatible with their menu. Why so? I love their sweet, subtly flavored adobo. I revel in the 'crunch' of every bite of their vegetable dishes cooked just right. I crave for the fried eggplant soaked in mildly spicy toyo. The tender meat in my favorite nilagang baboy. UP campus living.

2. Why do i have to check my Friendster account daily?

3. I am already conscientiously planning for something that is still two years away.

4. I sleep too soundly. Of course, i sleep much toooooo long.

5. I have learned not to expect change from other people because the only thing i can change is myself. Well, this isn't weird.

6. My hobby lives on. I get a kick each time i enter this paradise called Rustan's Supermarket. Cookies, chocolate chip cookies, chocolates, biscuits, nuts and more nuts.

7. I miss my parents. So, i'm still very much normal.

8. I watch it. I watch it sparkle. It has to grow on me.

9. I'm en route to becoming more patient, more selfless and more forgiving.

10. Walking underneath canopies of trees to the tune of my favorite music is always a delightful experience.

11. I miss the game of bridge. Hello Gabay.

12. Weirder by the day.

January 25, 2008


I miss mama. My stoic, beautiful, weird and thoughtful mama. My one and only mama. Mama. Mama. Mama.

Si Papa rin. My sweet, strict, old-fashioned and intelligent papa. My loving Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa.

Voldemort, bakit mo naman kinuha si Mama sa akin? GRABE KA. Nagti text ka pa ng mga Godly quotes sa akin noon a. Wala bang kwenta yon?

To have love is the best thing that will ever happen in a person's life. Buti na lang meron ako, kung hindi, pati ako napatay mo na rin siguro. Sana mabigyan ka rin ng buhay, kahit lahat ng tao sinasabing dapat magalit lang ako sa iyo mula sa kailaliman ng katauhan ko. Pero hindi ko gugustuhin yon. I don't want to get the joy out of my life.

Buti na lang, God is my Father. And I know He is a just God. At buti na lang, meron akong mabait na soon to be mama in law. May magulang pa rin naman ako. At alam ko ang nanay at tatay ko, masaya sa akin.

Sana alam mo na ang buhay natin, hindi nagtatapos dito. Because i know people like my mom, have an inheritance in my Father's Kingdom. And what better thing is there than to be where prosperity, joy and peace never ends?

January 20, 2008

I dont think

that my words are just waves that float into oblivion
that my thoughts are mere ideas that only i can fathom

I like to think

that you still feel the joy i have, the sadness your absence brings
that you still know how much you are adored and missed

I want to think

that these expressions i write reach you where you are
that i can still communicate my deep longing

I refuse to think

that my senses may never feel, hear nor smell you
that i may not even have the chance once again to open my eyes and see you

But my heart is so full of you
And my mind talks to you day and night.

January 19, 2008

I super miss you ma.

Ang hirap mawalan ng nanay. Ang sakit sakit.

It is hard to let go of the fact that you'll never see her face anymore while the picture is still so vivid. Her deep set eyes are so like mine. I see her fine wrinkles and thin eyebrows. Her embarassed smile before a camera. Her skin, soft to my touch. She isn't hairy like my sister and I are. How can i let go of the fact that i'll never be able to touch her again? I miss her throwing my sister, Rhys and I out of her room when we just lounge there when she's preparing to go out. We tend to steal her mirror space, her seating space and we do play with her collection of perfumes and jewelry. We love staying there when she's busy and disturb her with all kinds of questions. I especially like reading in her room because that's where our magazines are and the room is particularly the sunniest in the house. I miss having to force myself in the bathroom just to show my clothes before i leave the house even if she's in the middle of taking a bath or just doing something, you know what. I miss telling her she has an important visitor, when there's really no one or when the ice cream or fish vendor passes by our house.

I miss Hen Haw's crispy pata served on the table whenever Homer and I are around. One time, she gave us money for Oasis' eat all you can, just so we'll stop bickering in the living room.

Hindi ba alam ni Voldemort ang mga ito? Wala ba siyang nanay?

January 12, 2008

Day Four: And I Seek You Lord

to know you more
to love you more
to follow you with my all

and i pray Lord
for a good year
for a great year
obeying You

and i praise you Lord
for your goodness
for your faithfulness
you are my all.

January 06, 2008

A New Season For Me

All that was stolen
Is returned to me
A hundredfold

Tried in the fire
But i'm coming out

It's a new season
It's a new day
Fresh anointing
Is coming my way

It's a new season
Made just for me.

January 04, 2008

Seven Years

high school pa to

are 7 years are 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 years.

1 year ago siguro

Deaths like these are not totally pointless

So with mama.

(Click photos to enlarge.)