December 31, 2006

Ang saya ng buhay

Im just amused that so many people have asked me why i posted several crappy stuff that made them puke, myself included.


Well, i'm fine. Very happy. Very much alive. Loving life. Smiling and kicking and singing and dancing. (But yes i know, i don't know how to dance.)


The break has been blissful.


So happy 2007 everyone.

December 20, 2006

Ilocana speaking

Kung meron man akong nais balikan sa QC e yung DSL internet ko. Grabe, nagdownload ako ng breaking free at alas dos na ng umaga e wala pa rin! Mmm, nagsimula lang naman ako ng 1:25am. Pero naman. It's too late! 11 o clock ang oras ng pagtulog ko.

Iniingat ingatan ko nga ang aking body clock e. Simula pa noong bata ako. Talagang umiiyak ako noon pag di pa ako tulog ng 8:00 o 9:00 depende sa kung kelan nangyari yon. At siyempre, lalo namang di ako nakatutulog di ba.

Ngayon, dahil nabasa ko na sa Reader's Digest na, susunod na maganda sa tulog, e pwede na raw na nakahiga ka na di gumagalaw para mabigyan ng pahinga ang iyong katawan sa gabi.

Minsan, sa dorm, pag natataon na nag coke ako ng hapon o kape o tsaa o kahit anong may caffeine, alas kuwatro na e nakatingin pa rin ako sa kisame. Di naman pwedeng mag aral kasi lumulutang na ang utak ko sa ere. At lalong di naman makatulog.

Ngayon sirang sira na.

Ganito kasi yon, noong umuwi akong La Union, diretso ako galing sa Christmas party naming magkakaklase. Medyo lang alas sais na yata noong nakarating kami ng Katipunan. Kumain ako saglit sa McDo tapos nag ayos ng gamit tapos pumunta na sa istasyon ng bus. Pagkarating ko ng bahay, mga alas kuwatro siguro ng hapon. Tumawag ako kay homer para awayin siya dahil sa hindi pagsagot sa mga text ko. Pagkatapos non humiga na. Siyempre nakabitin yung paa ko kasi di ko tinanggal yung sapatos ko. Nagising ako ng alas singko na yata ng hapon. Mmm, kinabukasan to ha. A, gumising naman pala ako para hubarin yung medyas at sapatos ko. Para makasampa ako nang maayos sa higaan.

Lagi na akong alas diyes nagigising mula noon at alas dos natutulog pero dapat magkakape ako (na ang sarap na ng timpla ngayon, with Ovaltine and cinnamon, yeba!)

Kahapon naman ayokong magkape. At aba, alas siyete, di pa ko kumain ng hapunan, nakatulog na ko at siyempre gumising ulit ng alas diyes kinabukasan. Bumabawi ata ang katawan ko.

Masaya na sana. Pero kanina, isang oras na siguro akong gising pero nakahilata pa rin sa kama at katext si homer, biglang nagtext ang kaklase ko at may tinanong. Tungkol sa Labor, men. Medyo nakonsensiya ako kaya sabi ko sa sarili ko, kailangan ko na magkape para mag aral na rin.

Pero men, tamo naman ang ginagawa ko ngayon, pagkahabahabang blog, pagkahabahabang pagdownload ng breaking free. Nakita ko lahat ng blog sa favorites ko. Pati mga larawan ni KC na namamalengke sa France e.

Gutom na nga ako e. Kaso, 9 na rin ako kumain. Ganon kasi talaga ang buhay namin dito. Ang nanay ko kasi ganong oras ang uwi. Uwi ng babaeng hindi disente. Haha. Hindi naman. May social life kasi. May badminton, bowling, ballroom at kung anu ano pa. Nananalo nga raw siya at ang team niya e. Kanina nga alas onse na, tinawagan ko na. Ayun at pauwi pa lang raw.

Samantalang ako, buong bakasyon, andito lang sa bahay. Pag nagbowling panay kanal. Ni hindi matamaan ang shuttle cock. Hindi sumasayaw dahil bata pa lang ako, inapi na ang dancing skills ko. (Pero okay lang, napanood ko na naman ang Pride and Prejudice at The Count of Monte Cristo. Wala kasi akong mga bagong DVDs. Matanda na kasi ako, so ang aking Christmas money ay pinambili ko ng mga regalo sa mga batang kailangan kong regaluhan.)

Sa totoo lang, ang pangarap ko naman e maging swimmer, parang si Ian Thorpe ba. Minsan tinanong ako kung lumalangoy ako. Kako, hindi. Bwahahahahaha.

Nakakaawa no. Pero ang totoo, alam ko naman pong lumangoy, wala lang akong lakas ng loob. Sa 5ft pool lang ako pwedeng mag freestyle at backstroke. Pag mas malalim na roon o pag gumagalaw na yung tubig, tatayo na lang ako.


Kaya eto ako ngayon, lulutang lutang. Masaya naman. In love.

December 17, 2006

Again

Numbed when i get drenched under the raging storm
Blowing my eyes shut, whirring to keep me from hearing
Too tired to catch my breath trying to catch even little whiff
Of that cold wind that can carry me forward where i want to go

Wet with the rain and the tears trickling down my cheeks
Looking up though not seeing the dark clouds above
which are the only witnesses to my way of looking for light
To open my eyes again careful not to yet another fairy tale

Can an alien body just break my head into pieces
Or tap me lightly back to the reality that is
Because my mind is up there floating in merry wonderland
But my body is shocked and bruised right beneath it

And i'm holding on strongly to a life of unadulterated drama and bliss
Because my day is a unique mixture of dark nights and sunny mornings
Dusk and dawn running after each other
That's how my days revolve, but not without a purpose

December 16, 2006

Waiting

Oh sweetheart
Should i wait for the time when there's no more waiting
Or should i keep on going hoping like this
Because people get tired and weary you see
But i'll keep on wishing and waking up with sunrise
To see what the new day has to offer
Maybe tomorrow brings the longing away
And the flowers will bloom without wilting
And the sun won't set without a kiss
Of happiness and the promise of forever
Without having to count the ticking of the clock
Always dreaming of the day when i'll see you again

December 13, 2006

Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups

Do you ever delude yourself? You believe in something you know will never happen. You dream of bright sunlight and blue spotless skies. You get excited and wait for something like an expensive price. Something you didn't really work hard for but something you think you deserve.

Even if you know it is never going to happen. Even if you know its next to impossible if not totally so. But a person told you so. And you believe.

And when you wonder if its ever gonna happen and realize its far from materializing out of thin air, you ask that person if its gonna happen. And you are told it will not happen.

But you constantly think it will still happen. A surprise. Like magic. Because something has to conquer all.

But such are all lies. But you don't want to face reality. You refuse to. Because you don't like reality. Because you want something to happen. But it never will. So you continue lying to yourself. On and on and on.

December 02, 2006

Still on being alone

Loneliness brings out all your deepest regrets, the never ending concerns. Having people around you covers these emotions. The constant chatter and laughter is security enough. But when you are amidst deafening silence, your mind thinks. You miss people. You realize the gaps and the things you can never bring back. And you constantly want to relive the chatter or the laughter or the bright hopes you may have in life. You want to stay focused on the good things to cover the bad. Sometimes, you are lucky to drive the negative thoughts away, sometimes, you'll just sulk, or cry or try so hard to sleep hoping to wake up to fresh thoughts. But the bad things just lie there even if you deny that they exist. So, you stay busy and fill up your whole day because a small gap will revive the sadness. It's a cycle.


Those who are truly happy are those who can be happy alone. Where does that place people who need other people?

December 01, 2006

Alone again

I really get into a slump everytime i'm left by a loved one. Not that they leave me alone; left means go away for a while and we'll see each other, in this case, in two weeks.


My mom just left for Baguio a while ago, roughly a day after she arrived in Manila.


Nothing much happened actually. She arrived late afternoon yesterday. We went to my Lola in Antipolo to spend the 'typhoon' days there (Thank God, it never came.) Then, we spent a while in Gateway this afternoon. I shopped for a few items. Then we went our separate ways.


Now i'm here in this empty place, watching the evening news, hoping that the two weeks will pass really quickly. It doesn't help that i called Rhys earlier and he was bargaining that i go to Baguio on the 11th and not on the 16th. Well, 11 is just one of his arbitrary numbers.


I'm so sad.:-(