November 06, 2006

Balancing act

Well, well. How can happiness not last for more than several days? Does life have to make its own adjustments, resulting to my sulking the whole day for apparently no reason at all? Or does staying alone in the house alter my mind, that i look for the smallest things to be sad about? Whatever it is, i know i'm in one of those days when i just want to curl up in my room and pretend like everything else does not exist. I've spent my whole day watching 'House', reading the November issue of Reader's Digest and solving sudoku puzzles. I just stopped solving when i cried real tears after painstakingly solving one in the Inquirer, four-star difficulty. Right now, i'm on my ever present addiction. Too bad i'm on dial up.

Or wait, is it boredom? Or do you think its the laziness of it all? I'd like to think it's the last one, that its something self inflicted, so that i must suffer the consequences.

Is it because i'm leaving for QC tomorrow and be away from family until Christmas break. Yeah, i think i'm homesick. Yes, this early. How can i not be? Yesterday, my nephew Rhys cried when he said goodbye before leaving for Baguio. He told me i should go home daily to Baguio so we can see each other everyday. How i wish. And mind you, its not like i have a fantastic life when i'm home, i'm usually left alone all day. I wake up when everybody's gone out and have human interaction only at 8pm or even later. Maybe its the proximity, or the house, or my room.

But i know i hate leaving or being left behind or waiting. What's three years? What's two months? What's a night's sleep? But still, there's always the feeling of anxiety, like how i'm waiting for my grades or seeing my blue book in some class.

I just have too many problems, see. And i want this day to pass. Hopefully, tomorrow's morning sun will kiss my worries away.

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