September 16, 2005

I have nothing to blog about

...but here i am typing. It's been a couple of weeks since i last updated this. I've had no connection for more than two weeks so i've missed blogging quite a bit.

There's nothing new in my life except that in a few hours i will be twenty five. Twenty five, that's like a fourth of a century, the last year when i still need parental advice to contract marriage, a silver anniversary, five years before thirty, my... twenty five is old!

Yet, i'm still in school getting a monthly allowance from my mom. Come to think of it, this is a result of past choices. The choice of my undergrad course, the choice of my first job, choices that i don't want to consider as mistakes lest i again sulk in those severe deppressive states that i don't enjoy basking in.

Why am i here and what's my purpose? Is this some kind of a quarter life crisis? I was at that point where i was so sure of what i wanted and was so sure of what i was supposed to be. I guess i chose otherwise and risked delving in a sharply winding road where the future is blocked from view. I see only a small part of what my vision can actually extend to.

Well, i'm not actually just flailing about but its just that in my mind, i have this resolve to do something right but i can not bring it to fruition. I'm just stubborn and there's a stubborn war between my mind and my feelings. I'm tired of this and it is so difficult.


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jOANNe said...

hey, what are you talkin about? 25 is not old, it's just a number! ;-)
belated happy birthday anyways, sorry it's late but i hope you had fun!

Rianne said...

thanks dearie! hope you are okay there. uwi ka na at pasalubungan ako.

eric said...

wow. i also just turned 25, as you know, and i also think that that makes me old, but i don't have these thoughts. in the past, on my birthday, i looked back at how the past year had been and examined my existence, but i feel now that i am so over that. i have a totally different attitude about life now, and it is to take whatever life gives me and not to take things too seriously, only make sure to make the most of every moment of my existence because every moment could be my last.