September 16, 2005

I have nothing to blog about

...but here i am typing. It's been a couple of weeks since i last updated this. I've had no connection for more than two weeks so i've missed blogging quite a bit.

There's nothing new in my life except that in a few hours i will be twenty five. Twenty five, that's like a fourth of a century, the last year when i still need parental advice to contract marriage, a silver anniversary, five years before thirty, my... twenty five is old!

Yet, i'm still in school getting a monthly allowance from my mom. Come to think of it, this is a result of past choices. The choice of my undergrad course, the choice of my first job, choices that i don't want to consider as mistakes lest i again sulk in those severe deppressive states that i don't enjoy basking in.

Why am i here and what's my purpose? Is this some kind of a quarter life crisis? I was at that point where i was so sure of what i wanted and was so sure of what i was supposed to be. I guess i chose otherwise and risked delving in a sharply winding road where the future is blocked from view. I see only a small part of what my vision can actually extend to.

Well, i'm not actually just flailing about but its just that in my mind, i have this resolve to do something right but i can not bring it to fruition. I'm just stubborn and there's a stubborn war between my mind and my feelings. I'm tired of this and it is so difficult.