September 30, 2004

Weng wang

Wengwang. Toxic. Hell week. What else?

I have dysmenorrhea.

There's an order of a scale whose software was only started two days ago and is due next week. Think positive and it can be done. Di ba Windy.

I have to check several software. I have to do one email signature. I have to make job descriptions, follow up several applications.

That's just the peak of the iceberg for the office. I don't even want to remember that there is a lot more.

At school, I have a comprehensive exam for Human Resource Management on Saturday. That means, i have to read one whole textbook and HR books are like what - a thousand pages thick. Sunday, i have a date.

Next week, i have another final exam for Marketing Management, another thousand pages, and my Human Resource Term Paper is due the same day. Next Sunday, i have to be in Manila for a get together with friends.

In the house, i have to clean my room. I have to remove the stack of books and papers that accumulated throughout the semester.

I have to make one testimonial at Friendster.

I have to read a chapter a day of Purpose Driven Life and i don't want to miss any. I have a reading partner.:-)

Reminders for an exciting day.

September 22, 2004

24 na ako

You might have noticed i've been gone for a while. It's because i'm already 24 and old. LOL.

Now, i don't spend so much time on the internet (or is it because i almost don't have internet card credit left). I have more important things to do.

I feel old because i've had too many memory lapses lately. Is it because of my cellphone? I woke up this morning and got a jolt. My phone was directly below my ears and it's volume was set to three and it was ringing, loudly. I just think maybe my memory problem has got to do with sleeping with my Nokia phone each night. And a lot of my brain cells have been damaged.

I realize that i am old because i'm always busy. Weekends come in a jiffy. It's like i haven't even rested and before i know it, i should get up early for work again.

I consider myself old because now i think of more serious things. What will i be five or ten years from now. It has caused me a lot of stress but i'm determined to live a life of purpose and it shouldn't be something to worry about.

I am old because a lot of people are asking when i will get married. Oh well, I wish (tone should be sarcastic). However, i'm still in the process of building my wedding or marriage fund. I am open to donations.

Furthermore, i feel old because i suddenly keep looking at my bank account's balance although it hasn't been changing lately. And feel good when i remember that i do have life insurance even if i don't have that much savings.

BUT. A classmate told another classmate, i look like a high school student. Yay. I love my classmate. Kutob mo, totoo ba yon.

September 16, 2004

Currently engrossed with...

... cutting damaged tips of my hair. Usually, when thinking about things like program logic, correct sentence construction and what have you, i look out the window and look at the green hills not far in the horizon. Now instead of doing that, i just cut my hair away. Mind you, it produces the same results.

... daily evening news. They're very alarming, frightening, disgusting and all but they amuse me. Seems to me like a fantasy, action, drama and comedy series all rolled into one. The stories are more complicated than the soap operas. Believe me.

... putting order to my room. I fix it one afternoon, and the next day its chaos. There is order in disorder and the law of disorder says that we put things in order towards more disorder. Does that make sense? At least for me, it does.

... choosing between a diamond peel or crystal microdermabrasion. Yet, it's not like i'm really determined to have either of the treatments. I just wanna take a few pimple scars off my jaw.

... Nothing Else Matters of Metallica, i'm not even sure if i spelled the band's name right.

... Purpose Driven Life, at times i wanna read more than one chapter per day, but i try hard not to.

... counting the days before the semestral break. After this sem, i don't know what to do. God, please show me your way.

... monitoring my body fat. Russ, hindi ako nag South Beach diet. I just cut down on rice intake and then regular low fat milk (it helps daw according to reader's digest).

Sa mga nagbabasa ng blog ko. Mag comment naman kayo. Hindi yung nakikibasa lang, hehe, kidding. Para masaya di ba. Please. Nagmakaawa raw. Ayan o sa baba may _ commented, click and comment ha. :-)

September 14, 2004

I crave for

the following food in random order:

1. Baguio beans sauteed in soysauce with meat deeply cooked in its own fat

2. This dish out of pork with atsuete and made by Rivero's in San Fernando when i was still in grade school. It is sweet and salty and tastes just right. I've long been looking for a similar tasting meat viand! Oh please, may i chance upon one.

3. Blueberry cheese cake of Red Ribbon. Once i made one and all my money was sent directly to the trash.

4. Black forest of Red Ribbon (I'll never get tired of it) but Cafe Esperanza's version will do.

5. Tokneneng ba yon? It is this small egg covered with orange stuff and fried; introduced by Homer and i loved it although i was afraid i'd get Hepatitis or something. I need the vaccines! I hope to get shots so i can enjoy fishballs and the like. It's been years since i last planned!

6. KFC Funshots - I love all flavors. It reminds me of flavored french fries.

7. Sizzling sisig of Ken Afford with egg on top, although once we saw a giant cockroach inside the restaurant, while walking past it at night.

8. Inihaw or Breaded Pork Chop from Manang's - super with its yummy sawsawan made of soy sauce and vinegar. Quality and affordable and the best there is.

9. Japanese buffet at Oasis - but i can't go there maybe in two years or so. If you have read my previous posts, you'll know why.

10. SR Thai's vegetable rice and bagoong rice - the only restaurant where i enjoy eating Thai food because their's are not so spicy.

Oh well, at least i don't eat too much and my arms will again look like this. (But it's happening again!)

And look at this cool picture of my favorite Philosophy teacher, Padre Ferriols, known for his own philosophy of 'Meron'. Hindi ko alam if this is a real Globe ad or not.

September 12, 2004

I am sad

So i am posting this stupid picture taken when i had dysmennorrhea (aw, was still quite thin here, now, not anymore) to show my mood today. Sigh. Let's cry.

When i am sad, i usually pamper myself. Don't you do that yourself? I mean, when we are sad, we wanna forget and take our minds away from this shitty thing that is happening.

Therefore, I went to the mall and had a facial. It cost me all, save for ninety pesos and a handful of coins, of what is left in my wallet but oh well, i just had to give myself a little reward. Facials are stressful too actually, especially on the part of the nose but i still consider it pampering okay. Lately, i had pimple breakouts and i don't have anymore benzoyl peroxide left and i haven't bought a replacement either so i BADLY needed a facial. I just didn't have the time but even if this day is the only day for resting, i still decided to go out to have one. Alone.

When i am sad i really do prep myself up. When i look jologs that is when i am happy because i don't care about how i look. I don't care about what people say. I am happy even if i look ugly.

Of course, i feel good about myself when my hair is combed (you see, i only do this once a day, normally -- err, before i had my hair straightened). I like it when my face is not pale and has some color in it to show that i'm actually alive. I like it when i'm dressed well -- not for other people but for myself. You see for example, i like wearing miniskirts and shorts even if i don't have the hot legs to go with them. I'm just really comfortable wearing them but i myself will agree that i look more pleasant in jeans. Despite that, i'd still go for a skirt anytime and anywhere. I like them.

Now i have a collection of butterfly clothes, sandals and accessories and wearing them makes me feel light as well.

Boo. I am sad today and it is because of one person.

September 09, 2004

Another attempt at being driven

What drives you?

Chapter three of Purpose Driven Life explains this very well and hit me right at the center. It says there are five things that usually drive people, that seem to be their life's purpose, that become the bases of important decisions. It may be the choice of a career, the choice of a school, the choice of a job, the choice of rejecting and accepting people into our lives. Most of the time, what motivates us shouldn't be what it is.

1. Guilt

Many people are so concerned about a previous mistake that they want to spend the rest of their lives making up for that significant error. Well, it is easy to say that the past is the past. There's nothing we can do about it so we can only learn and move on. However, it is not so easy.

My life's example is the death of my Dad. There are so many things that I could have done to show him how much I love him and how grateful I am for the things that he had done for me. After he died, there are a lot of decisions that I have done and probably will do because I am sure he'd be happy if I do this certain thing. However, my life's purpose is not about pleasing a dead person, no matter how significant this person is in my life.

2. Anger

This is my current struggle. I am so bitter about something that most of my decisions have been based on proving to these people what I am worth. I want to show them how wrong they are in treating my family that way after all the years of being a 'family' to each other. I want to be successful and rich just to surpass them. I want to be happy so that I'd be happier than them.

And I realize it is all nonsense. I'm destroying myself with anger and letting them take away my happiness. They may have moved on and never may have realized the wrong they have done but here I am wallowing.

3. Fear

Fear also dictates our decisions to a certain extent. I am sure some of us refused to try something out of the fear of failure. As simple as class recitation, sometimes we just choose to keep quiet because we think we won't say anything good.

4. Material Things

This is also common. We sometimes equate happiness with riches, with the thought of being able to buy anything and living in comfort. At times, it seems to be 'noble' - by doing things so that our parents will live comfortable lives.

Yes, we ought to honor, respect and give them all the best yet this is not our purpose. This is not what we are living for.

5. Approval

Some people live for the approval of their parents. Sometimes we think there is something expected of us and we strive to reach that expectation. It is not all bad; however, this is still not the reason why we are given the chance to wake up everyday.

Some people only think of the approval of their husbands or boyfriends or worse, relationship prospects. Some people live their lives just so they get famous or just so their friends will think highly of them and respect them.

We were not given lives to please people. We were created by God for a purpose, and this purpose is greater, much greater than just pleasing our parents, our boy or girlfriends, or anyone else for that matter.

The Bible says God is our Creator and we have been in his care even before we were born. We were created not only for this lifetime but for eternity. Eternity is incomprehensible. It is like comparing a little ant against the big, big universe. God plans great things for us. And that 'ant' or the short time that we will live on earth is just like a moment's blink of an eye. Thus, it is a pity when we lose sight of this great purpose by being myopic only on things that are actually so fleeting.

September 08, 2004

Purpose driven life

Lately, i was so baffled and anxious about my life's purpose, drive, direction and similar existential questions. Maybe it is the effect of realizing that i will turn 24 this month and in a year comes my silver anniversary of existence in this realm called what, i don't know.

Last Monday, I finally started something to cure the insanity at this phase in my life.

I have started Purpose Driven Life again. I say again because i started before for four days then was just hit with the idea that somebody needs the book much more than i do, so i lent it. Ironically, it was not read. It was read by maybe everyone else in my friend's house except the person i, out of my selflessness or maybe self righteousness, haha, lent the book to. They liked it though.

Last month, my sister gave the book to my friend as a birthday gift and last weekend i got my book back. Therefore, my friend and i each have an unread book. Everyone else recommends it. It is a very famous book read by a lot of people, both popular and unpopular, rich and poor, old and young.

Thus, i now have a reading partner. For 40 days, we committed ourselves to reading a chapter then sharing our thoughts and prayers afterwards, by text or by a phone call. Haha. Not so easy and cheap, by the way.

Anyway, the first two days were really good. I hope that we keep it up for a month and a half. And the book is great. You should read it too. The author is Rick Warren.

September 06, 2004

I want to join a rock band and... the lead singer or i can plainly just be guest singer for a male singer led band

...aside from my band's original songs, i wanna dish out 214, Bring Me Down, Lost of RiverMaya; The Corrs' Runaway, Radio and So Young; Nothing Else Matters of Metallica; rhythm guitar once a while

...wear not too loud boots and skirts during gigs and wear just a pink cheek tint and pink lip gloss famous among the cool crowd, maybe the 18-25 agegroup

...rush at 7pm because i have band rehearsals every other day barkada with my bandmates, then we'll go to parties and movies together

...not be alcoholic, not ever try drugs, not smoke

I wanna be a rocker!

September 01, 2004

The *ber months are here again

Yes, it is indeed September.

1. Christmas is near and i don't have the funds yet for gifts.

2. Christmas is near and YAY it is Christmas. Except for a few kindred spirits, i think most people love the holidays. I love family gatherings, red wine, good food, long vacations, seeing everyone, mini reunions, get togethers. I love criticizing the smart placement of Christmas lights among the houses in Naguillian road. I love Christmas gifts and the excitement of opening each gift on Christmas eve. I love seeing family and friends who go back home to spend the holidays in their hometown.

3. It's my birth month and it's another time to think about my life and how i am doing. Am i on track? Am i doing things that i would smile about years from now? Oh well, don't we all think and philosophize when we realize we're another year older? I'm twenty four and what the hell is my life worth?

These questions aside, i'm really thankful for everything that God has blessed me with. He has been really good to me. Everybody is worth something i guess, and at times we don't realize it. There are lots of love and concern and prayers surrounding my life and i will not say i can't ask for more but i can say that i have enough. It doesn't hurt to have more so i'll continue doing what i can do.

These mushy stuff aside, I know some LUPD people will read this somehow, yes you, and i just want to announce that A..... had a successful blind date a while ago.:-) Well, this guy and she talked for like the whole time while I and Marilou just watched TV and never felt we existed from their point of view. Haha. (A....., huwag kang magalit ha. Hehe. Alam mo naman ako.)

So there, i have to do one case analysis, but i really had to blog and chat first, eh. I have an hour before 12 so i gotta rush.

And oh yeah, my boneless bangus business is kinda booming. Haha. Enough already.