August 25, 2004

GI ako

This means, Genuine Ilokano ako. However, it is so weird that most people don't understand me when i speak in Ilokano. Is it my Ilokano or is it just really me being incomprehensible most of the time?

Do you notice your thoughts? Mine is weird, when i'm angry i think in English. No kidding. So i either scream my lungs off in English or translate it to whatever medium i'm currently using in the conversation. Normally, my thoughts are in Filipino. Like 'ang tagal', 'uh oh, late na ko', 'bat di pa nagreply yon', 'argh, gutom na naman ako'. Stuff like these. Thus, i converse with people most of the time in Filipino and not because i'm nationalistic or something.

Another weird thing is that, cursing comes out naturally when i speak in Ilokano, so i try my best not to speak in Ilocano. Cursing like 'Kinnana, Shet, Fuck, Tanaydana'. Bad no. (Homer this is your fault.) Even if i don't intend to, it comes out like an occasional period to a sentence. Weird. My usual cursing is 'Shit' or 'Fuck' like when i almost trip over or step at some dog shit. And i hate it, mind you.

In Tagalog though, 'Tang ina' does not come out of my dirty mouth unless i say it intentionally. Maybe this is why, my mind's preference is Filipino. You see, at home, we speak all three. To the extent that at one point, my nephew Rhyss would say 'No more. Wanen. La na.' when his milk bottle was empty.

Lord please tame my tongue.