August 26, 2004

Being driven

Why am i so not disciplined?

Since Tuesday i've been waking up at five a.m. just to start my three assignments due on Saturday. I just bloghop and check friendster and check all my favorite sites. Come on.

Have i lost the drive? Maybe, its just not the thing that i want to do? What do i want? Why am i doing these things? I'm beginning to be angsty about my life's direction and all i figure is that money does not run my life and it shouldn't be the first consideration in any decision i will make in the future.

You see, i can go to nursing school and in five years i can try my luck in the States and earn a lot but i choose not to. Nursing is definitely not my calling, although i haven't really grasped exactly what i want to be.

I want to raise a happy family, that's all, but i can't raise one without a good income, can i. So i can't stop working and just make babies and be a home maker and pray to God we can eat everyday. I'm faced with a lot of choices and nothing appears completely pleasant. Of course nothing is. Boo. I think this is too early for a middle age crisis.

So young and so lost. Lord, please enlighten me.

No comments: