August 31, 2004

Our life's options

At times, we are faced with a lot of choices.

You want to be honest, yet you risk being misinterpreted. You want to keep mum, yet you risk betraying someone's trust. You want to find greater satisfaction, nevertheless you can't get out of your comfort zones. You want to try something new, although you know you might encounter the same errors and frustrations you have already encountered, later on. You want to let go even if something from the past make up what you are now.

Each day, we are bound to make decisions. Decisions that make us or break us. Decisions that are trivial or big things that you can't afford to make mistakes on. Decisions that make others happy or make them unhappy.

These are decisions that set a whole length of causes and effects. One move will veer you at a certain angle away from where you were previously headed before you opted for a particular alternative.

As difficult as they may be, we need to choose. Sometimes, we are forced to choose. We are lucky when we have enough time and information to think about it. We are lucky when we make the right choice. However, we do not really know, whether it's the right or the wrong choice. All we will ever know are effects that don't really spell out our accuracy.

Later on, when we are happy, we either could have been happier or could also have been miserable. When we become unhappy, we also could have been all the more miserable or we could also have been in better situations had we only chosen something else.

Yet that is how we carve our lives. That is how we live our lives. That is how we spell out who we are. We are just not lucky if we have time and wisdom, these are prayed, thought about and worked hard for.

August 28, 2004

The adventures of commuting

Commuting 101

These are some of the lessons i have learned through the years while on a bus or a jeepney.

1. Avoid women who think that a bus ride is a moment of relaxation. They sit comfortably with their arms hanging loosely at the sides of their bodies without thinking that it pushes you off the bus chair.

2. Avoid men who cannot keep their legs together at least to a reasonable angle.

3. Avoid people who don't want to get wet with their own umbrellas, it is you who gets wet instead. These people enter buses with their umbrellas raised up causing a drizzle past everyone whom they pass by. They may also sit with you and put their umbrella nearer your side such that you get wet while they don't.

4. Avoid the people in jeepneys who can only use their fingers not their toungue. Be ready to be irritated by people who touch your back or your arm with a fingertip and not say anything. Pfffttt. Please you have a voice, don't you?

5. Avoid men who are in the lookout for prospects. They get your number, your name and your address. Very freaky. Avoid drunk men. I had this experience once in high school. He just bent down and kneeled and shouted he wanted my name. I ignored him although i was so embarassed, i wanted to disappear right at my seat. I didn't wanna commute for a week after that.

6. Avoid speedy buses. They run so fast, every acceleration seems like suicide.

7. Look for women who want to tell their life stories while travelling. Go seat near these people who broadcast their husbands' philandering or giggle at stories about their boyfriends. My, almost every one has an interesting life.

8. Be on the lookout for conductors/drivers who pretend to forget that you need some change. These people might wish you won't bother asking for a two peso change, but i do. Be on the lookout for conductors who embarass you in front of all passengers like it is your fault that you don't have loose change or that he can't compute correctly from the fare rates.

9. Avoid passengers who think their bags are pots of gold. They just let their bags sit while you almost fall down from your seat. These are the most inconsiderate bunch.

10. Be on the lookout for conductors/drivers who think you are a circus performer who can walk towards the door while the bus is speeding as fast as you could. Just tell them, hey, you can't pay for my life when i trip and bang my head here.

Hey, i'm good today. I finished all my three assignments before posting my blog. Woohoo. I hope it doesn't rain today. I'm going up to the boondocks. I'm sneezing a lot. I just hope the Baguio weather does not make me sick all the more.

August 26, 2004

Being driven

Why am i so not disciplined?

Since Tuesday i've been waking up at five a.m. just to start my three assignments due on Saturday. I just bloghop and check friendster and check all my favorite sites. Come on.

Have i lost the drive? Maybe, its just not the thing that i want to do? What do i want? Why am i doing these things? I'm beginning to be angsty about my life's direction and all i figure is that money does not run my life and it shouldn't be the first consideration in any decision i will make in the future.

You see, i can go to nursing school and in five years i can try my luck in the States and earn a lot but i choose not to. Nursing is definitely not my calling, although i haven't really grasped exactly what i want to be.

I want to raise a happy family, that's all, but i can't raise one without a good income, can i. So i can't stop working and just make babies and be a home maker and pray to God we can eat everyday. I'm faced with a lot of choices and nothing appears completely pleasant. Of course nothing is. Boo. I think this is too early for a middle age crisis.

So young and so lost. Lord, please enlighten me.

August 25, 2004

GI ako

This means, Genuine Ilokano ako. However, it is so weird that most people don't understand me when i speak in Ilokano. Is it my Ilokano or is it just really me being incomprehensible most of the time?

Do you notice your thoughts? Mine is weird, when i'm angry i think in English. No kidding. So i either scream my lungs off in English or translate it to whatever medium i'm currently using in the conversation. Normally, my thoughts are in Filipino. Like 'ang tagal', 'uh oh, late na ko', 'bat di pa nagreply yon', 'argh, gutom na naman ako'. Stuff like these. Thus, i converse with people most of the time in Filipino and not because i'm nationalistic or something.

Another weird thing is that, cursing comes out naturally when i speak in Ilokano, so i try my best not to speak in Ilocano. Cursing like 'Kinnana, Shet, Fuck, Tanaydana'. Bad no. (Homer this is your fault.) Even if i don't intend to, it comes out like an occasional period to a sentence. Weird. My usual cursing is 'Shit' or 'Fuck' like when i almost trip over or step at some dog shit. And i hate it, mind you.

In Tagalog though, 'Tang ina' does not come out of my dirty mouth unless i say it intentionally. Maybe this is why, my mind's preference is Filipino. You see, at home, we speak all three. To the extent that at one point, my nephew Rhyss would say 'No more. Wanen. La na.' when his milk bottle was empty.

Lord please tame my tongue.

August 22, 2004

Look ma, my hair is straight

At long last, my hair is as straight as i had for the longest time wanted to. And i took silly pictures of myself looking as stupid as possible. Haha.

Yay! Boo! Yay!

Such a big whore.

August 20, 2004

Naked encounter

Woohoo. I'm back and blogging. I've been soooooooooo busy since a couple of days. Last night i barely had three hours of shut eye. But heck, don't we all. My tagboard is back! Yay. I just hope there will be no more errors this time. Tomorrow i have only one class so i think i don't wanna go anymore. It's Homer's birthday tomorrow and Myra's too. So, Baguio, Luna or Manila. Maybe Bauang, sigh. My so called life.


A naked woman just walked into our house last night. Yes. N. A. K. E. D.

So my cousin was just washing the dishes and then she just got the shock of her life when a middle aged woman she never saw in her entire life just went out of my other cousin's bedroom. She went straight to our dining room where there is a full length mirror and just took off all and i mean all her clothes. Actually, she just got the basketball shorts of my guy cousin, so it was hanging loosely on her waist.

I was not aware of these things yet because i was in my room playing with the computer. Err... yeah i'm very busy. LOL. So my mom just started shouting my name and guess why? She actually thought i was the one in front of the mirror, totally naked and scratching my head lazilly. Grover no.

So i was still clueless at this point and thought it's just some other snake that my cousin caught. Well, for your information, snakes come and go from our house. One time my cousin caught a 10 feet long snake the circumference of my big log legs. He got not just one but four bayawaks and a musang. Yeah, he has a promising career at the zoo. Haha.

Back to our visitor, i was just curious and so i looked out and there she was. Good thing she had her back to me. I just saw her butt and messy hair. She was examining herself in the mirror. So i locked my door at once.

My jittery, as white as snow cousin convinced her to go to the living room. There was a peep hole from my room to the living room so i saw her and i was soooo careful not to look down. So all i saw were her sagging breasts. She was comfortably watching TV in all her nakedness.

So in all our fright, we in some way convinced her to wear clothes. She had no underwear. We also gave her cinnamon bread and water. My mom who at this point already realized that it was not I who was walking naked in the house, has called the police for help.

us: Anong pangalan mo?
visitor: Rowena?
us: San ka galing?
visitor: Sa lupa.
us: Lupa?
visitor: Oo. Lupa. Land. Earth.
police: Tara san mo gustong pumunta
visitor: I don't like you. You're the deevel. (devil)
police: Hindi a, sa lupa nga rin ako galing e.
us: Sinong nagdala sa yo rito?
visitor: Sila! (pointing to the policemen) Hinila nila ako sa buhok. Ganito.
us: May anak ka na?
visitor: Isa. Hindi kami kasal ng asawa ko. Pero noon yon noong katoliko ako. I'm a preacher of the Church of Latter Day Saints. Bring me to the church.
police: Tara.
visitor: Sino ka ba? I don't like you.

Di ba. It's so astig. She may have gone crazy combining life and religion too much. I don't know. She definitely had an education, i can sense from how she talks. But whew. Things like this don't happen to everyone, even for a life time. Masasabi ko lang, what an experience!

Happy birthday Homer and Myra! More to come and God bless!

Bitin ba? I have no prepaid card load na e.

August 11, 2004

What month person are you?

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but thoes not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decor. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for
friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and daring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends .

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

I was born in September.

August 09, 2004

Soy kapitan

Yesterday, i had an encounter with a stupid, forgive the term for lack of a more appropriate adjective, barangay captain. I say stupid, because he talks A LOT about his ideas, some even baseless, and refuses or maybe cannot really understand what's being said by others.

I witnessed a council meeting as they were talking to a 22 year old who got into a brawl with the barangay captain himself. I just saw the procedure very unfair because it boiled down to a dialogue between him and the guy. He spoke a lot and allowed no interruption and spewed out a lot of 'insinuations' and second hand information and treated everything he said as the truth, as the rule. This poor guy attempts to explain and the captain says 'you say that because you were drunk'. However, the captain was drunk at that time too, so this statement can be said about him as well. The guy explains that he was provoked so he fought back. The captain said, don't give in to useless provocations. Yet, the captain himself said he fought this guy because this guy provoked him to a fight. Talk about contradicting things that you say.

At the end, i couldn't help myself and voiced out the comment that i observed that the discussion was between two people with a lot of references to other people's statements or hearsay. The other people have to be here as well. I said 'you know, if you want this guy to learn a lesson don't make the discussion boil down to one man's word against another man's.' If you say, people said this and that, they have to be here. I mean, it's the barangay captain's word. Who would the council believe, this guy who can't even speak a whole statement without interruption by the captain or the captain who is the head of the whole barangay?

He said, if i wanted that, i should have voiced it out from the very start. I said, how could i comment when i haven't seen the whole procedure. I was an outsider to this barangay. You can't evaluate something unless you've seen it, right? And he actually thought i was siding with this guy. He told me 'you can look at the cases that this guy has been involved in'. He kept on repeating these and interrupted if i explained further. I said, it was my own feedback and comment. I am not interested in this case but i'm interested with the procedure. He cannot understand. His councilmen told him 'that's a suggestion, a suggestion'. He comments this is not a court room. You could have said it from the start. He has been into a lot of trouble.

Grover. I was so pissed. I told him 'what you are saying is out of context.' He kept on blabbing, maybe he did not even understand what i said. I finally said, 'it was an observation about the procedure and not the case and that's it. discussion closed.' He still kept on blabbing. I just got out and left. Whew. My blood pressure.

Then my cousin related another encounter she had with this person.

cousin: captain, this girl was harassed. That guy held her breasts. We need to report it to the police.
captain: this is very shallow. it's a very small issue.
cousin: what if it's your daughter who experiences this.
captain: but it's not my daughter who experienced it. If you go to the police, they'll subject you to lie detector tests. they'll get your statements.
cousin: i know but we have to report it. (my cousin is a 4th year criminology student.)
captain: this is a very small issue, it need not get bigger.

Duh! How stupid!

By now, you should notice that I get into a lot of arguments with other people. Is it me or what?

August 05, 2004

Am i shy or not?

Our week's activity is about shyness and we took this quiz to determine the level of shyness in us. I got 38 out of 120. Does that mean i'm an extrovert?

I consider myself shy. I'm an introvert. Well, i'm selectively shy. I appear quiet to certain people. I appear insane to my friends. I am a blabbermouth to my family and close people. I am frank and vulgar to certain people. I am like that.

I am a fresh, easy going student at school. I am a serious employee at work but can be talkative during breaks. I am a slob in the house. I'm this self centered bitch to my cousins while i'm a kind aunt to my nieces and nephews. I am sweet to a few lucky people and a snob to everyone else.

Talk about multiple personalities or is it a manic depressive disorder. Oh well, maybe i just tend to compartmentalize my life and my personality adjusts to whatever role i am expected to fill in each situation. That means it is hard to describe me in general. I think this is true to everyone if not most people.

Thus, your answer to the question whether i am shy or not may say something about who you are in my life.

Which poem are you?

Dover Beach by Matthew Arnold

You're probably strongly political, and a pacifist. Hey, and you're also slightly depressing. You think a lot of things suck and are pointless. Congratulations!

Personality Test Results

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by quizzes and personality tests.

Big fish

Don't we sometimes make things up and eventually believe they happened? I can relate very well to this movie that i watched last night. It's about a man who tells stories and adds excitement to his life by exaggerating details and by mixing fact with fiction. His stories have bases but he chooses to view life with more color. Later on, his son complains that he never even knew his father much because he doesn't know which to believe and which to regard as tall tales. Before he died, he does some research and finds out that the characters and places of his father's tales actually exist.

I have this weird thing. I actually think of things and believe they actually happened. For example, my sister went through some funny situations that she relates to me and later on it will be so hard to even convince myself that i was not part of the event. In college, i was telling everyone she got a line of seven in her religion subject but that never happened. In homer's words, i fabricate stuff and think that these are facts. Maybe i can't separate my dream world from the real thing.

Well, Homer is forgetful while i tend to make things up and believe they are true. A lot of times, we fight about things someone has said then forgets later on; or bring up things when we fight and the other denies it ever happened. So, maybe some of those fights were of no bearing at all. Beats me.

YAY, my tagboard works now! Please post.:-)

Anyone interested in making money? Text or call me, i'll try to convince you before i sign up myself.:-)

August 03, 2004


Everytime I try to leave
Something pulls me back baby
Tried and tried to let you go
But it's just impossible
Everytime we say goodbye
Bitter tear drops fill my eyes
Wish I didn't need you so
But you're irresistible

I don't wanna lose you to somebody else
But I can't go on contradicting myself
I know that it's pointless to keep holding on
But something inside tells me you're where I belong

I know that it's unrealistic to think
That things will get better
Between you and me
Cause time after time
You just shatter my heart
But when I'm without you
I feel so torn apart

Boy I wish That I didn't
Love you so (oh oo oh oo oh oh)
I try to tell you no But you're irresistible
(oh oo oh oo whoah oh)

See I only want it to be like it was
When we got together and first fell in love
Sometimes it's like I'm addicted to you
This love's so consuming
I don't know what to do

Charmbracelet, Mariah Carey

I have a tagboard now. So please use it.:-)

But the page gets an error so i took it out again.:-( Boo.

August 01, 2004

Something new

I changed my template!

This is my third time to change. I don't know how long i wanna use it. Some text were changed to garbage. I'll try to fix em later on.