December 25, 2004

Merry Christmas!

It's a happy Christmas once again!




kris kringle





office mates





cousins


December 14, 2004

Work, work






I led an activity in the office earlier and one part was to have everyone agree about what adjective best describes the company.


The game didn't end. We were left with two adjectives: 'productive' and 'good training ground'. These were very exact descriptions but must be taken cautiously because they are only true to a certain extent.


First, the office should be productive. Any business should be productive. In an environment so full of change and so full of competition, if a company does not act quickly and effectively, it will be left behind.


The reason why we work is ideally to be productive. Man was created by man to work among other things, of course, don't you agree? Adam and Eve were supposed to be stewards of the Garden of Eden. However, practically, in these times almost everyone just wants to earn good money. That is not bad per se, especially when you are earning money and having self fulfillment at the same time.


Now, the company also has a reason to hire us. That is also to earn good money and the company earns good money if it is productive. This is the very reason why it exists and why we exist in it.


To say that a company that wants to earn money is a good training ground is also true. Education does not end with a college diploma. Education happens everyday as we work - as we learn new programs and as we work with people.


However, we should be cautious enough to draw the line between a school and a business. We learn while working in order to be better at what we do. It should be the case that we learn in order to work and not the other way around if you get what i mean.


There must also be a term or a set period for each learning. We must draw up semesters or quarters and after we finish each level, we can ask if we got a high or a low grade. Getting a high grade means we are better at something thus we can take control of our work better. Furthermore, we are better in a way that we can already share and make use of what we do. A low grade means you might just stay and not advance yet to the next level.


In the same way, there are also limits to achieving productivity. It must not be done at the expense of the welfare or peace of mind of another person. This goes both ways to the company and to the employee. In the same way that the company must not take advantage, the person must also not take advantage of the company.


I hate to say this but the usual thing i see especially when it comes to government agencies is that employees think it is okay to get office supplies or spend resources for their personal use. I have some friends who just answer friendster surveys at work. Well, the graveyard shift is no excuse at all.


It just so happens sometimes that our purposes are confused. I saw one entry in
joyce' journal about how students find it uncool to say they studied. Yes, i seldom find someone who is proud to say he or she studied for an exam. It is so because it is better to come out with high grades without 'studying' than to come out with low grades after saying you studied. To think that they are called students because they study.


Oh well, an employee is also an employee.

December 09, 2004

The house of bougainvilleas

This may be the most 'emo' entry of all.








Here lies may late dad. This is in Caba Cemetery. My sister is the girl in the picture. If you notice, there's a similar structure behind it but of yellow bells and that's my cousin Cheryll's grave.


I know it is quite futile to go there and reminisce those days when he was still here but I do just that. I sit there alone and watch the sunset and rub it in - that I really miss him.


I miss the dad I once watched movies with. I miss the person who took me from La Union to Cubao or Pasay just to watch Purefoods TJ Hotdogs in the PBA finals and the guy who waits outside the Araneta Coliseum while I line up to get Alvin Patrimonio's autograph. I miss the father who teases me with my crushes. I miss the person I was afraid of and the person who gets mad when I don't kiss him before going somewhere. How I miss Papa, who believed in me more than anyone else has.


I miss the man who gets mad very easily that is why everyone is afraid of him, that is, when he had a glass of a hard drink or two. I miss the uncle who loves my little cousins and ‘borrows' them from their parents for a whole day to baby sit. I miss the nephew or the cousin who lends to his relatives even if he himself has only a few. I miss the strict father who reminds my friends that it's already late when they're in our house.


I miss him, everything good and bad about him.


Losing someone is so difficult, much less your father, whom you thought would be there to see you achieve something after all the sacrifices he has done. What does he want more than seeing that I am happy and contented with what I have become?


I am sure he is happy for me yet I am actually not in that place that I think he has expected me to be. That is why I'm making several changes in my life. Not that I make decisions for someone other than myself but I think I want what he wants for me as well.


Therefore, I am praying for God to bless me with wisdom so that I may choose the right things and may He bless me wherever His path takes me.


Someday, I will be back sitting under the bougainvilleas, watching the sunset and being proud to be my father's daughter and being sure it's what he dreamt of.


December 08, 2004

It's the shoes

Today, i'm wearing a pair of rubber shoes, which i owned since 6th grade. Yes, you hear me right - 6th grade. Each time my mom sees me wearing this really old pair of Nikes, she just wants me to change it and discard it. It looks dilapidated and had been fixed with rugby so many times. I remember once, i went to my friend's place for a short vacation and i was just blasted why i wore this pair instead of the other pairs i have. They were just worried i can't go hiking with them and the sole may just be left behind while walking. Or perhaps he was just ashamed to introduce me wearing this piece of garbage.


This requires two explanations.


First, in grade school, i used to be among the tallest. In 1st grade, i remember that i was indeed the tallest. To my dismay, i stopped growing when i was in first year high school. Of course, i am not counting the extra millimeter/s i gained until i was 18 or so.




This explains why such a shoe still fits me until now.


Secondly, i use things until they're unuseable. I'm like that. I'm a GI, genuine ilocana. I don't discard a pen until it doesn't write anymore. I use each notebook up to the last page. Deodorants, colognes, powder are used to the last drop. As much as possible, no grain of rice should be left on my plate after eating. I wipe junk food/chip packages clean with my fingers.


I have this attitude.


I just think that each thing must be used as long as they can be used. A lot of things we use are or come in packages that are nonbiodegradable, which is bad for the environment. Some of them are produced from nonrenewable resources. Imagine the waste of manpower, labor and all other inputs that went into the production of these things when you discard them while they are still useful.


Just imagine how the rivers and mountains were when we were young. Now is a far cry from before. A lot of these things are attributed to garbage.


We all know a lot of things are wasted here so at least i feel good about contributing in my own little way, besides saving money of course. ;-)

December 06, 2004

From blog to biz to life

I have been mulling over my blog entries and i think i have to come up with boundaries on what to post and what not to post. When i write, i just write what's on my mind, but people sometimes judge what they see, superficially in our blogs. If you post a stupid entry, they'd think you're stupid. Sometimes you may post some serious opinion and they'd say you are trying hard. Not that i experienced any of these yet or am aware of such a situation that applies to me, but i guess it is possible.


I sometimes put a lot of thought on people's reactions because i have considerable experience on people just jumping to conclusions about other people. Those situations were real 'teachers' and all of a sudden, i woke up thinking not all people are trustworthy and not all things you see are REAL.


It is a very sad realization and i hope these so called people are not representative of the whole population. I am not that skeptical by the way but this is what i have learned over the years.


My conclusion - The hell i care about other's comments. I'll just write what i want. It's my blog and not theirs.


I read in the Inquirer yesterday that the word 'blog' is now an official dictionary entry (Webster's) so i'm proud to be part of blogger. Although livejournal and xanga have cooler functions, it is blogger and blogspot that pioneered blogging and coined the word or am i wrong here?


It's funny that an average person knows only 20% or less of all English words. However, as times pass, more and more words are added. I read that percentage somewhere i can't remember. Many things that were unthinkable when we were eight are now realities. Peter Drucker (I am not even sure. Argh! My Memory!) introduces a chapter of his management book like this.


Now, one has to run really fast just to stay in the same place.


This is so true.


Things become obsolete very fast. Companies take advantage of this and just create things and sell them even before they are perfect. Customers feedback with bugs and defects and then from such input companies can come out with version two, which is actually just supposed to be the first version. Version one was the test product so to speak. 7250 has 7250i. T610 has T630. P800 to P900 to P910i. The list goes on.


This is why small companies that cannot afford and who do not have "the name" for such a strategy are so hard up in competing much less surviving in the jungle.


How i wish, people's despicable attitudes become obsolete fast too. If it ain't good, it shouldn't survive. If it ain't nice, it should be replaced with something nicer. But why do bad things survive?


Isn't it interesting why business has forced companies to create value and make the best practices when in fact it is money that makes it go round whereas life is governed by things like love but people's lives and personalities are such a mess. Our values are deteriorating, not improving.


Okay, maybe i'm just angry today.

November 29, 2004

Sighs on a holiday

One: My Vanity


First, I don't get to enjoy any of my meals.


Second, it hurts!


Third, it is so freaking uncomfortable.


Fourth, the agony lasts for at least one year.


Fifth, my upper lip is like double its already big size originally.


Oh, it hurts!


Two: My Manana Habit


Yesterday, Sunday, i went through something unprepared. I prayed before taking it and perhaps i did okay - not so good and not so bad. However, i'm still guilty over the feeling that i could've done better. Sigh. I really don't know.


Three: My Financial Status


I am so bankrupt. Tomorrow is payday but after i pay this and that, there will be nothing. I just realized that i loaned a greater part of my savings to several people. This is why i have no 'real' savings account to speak of. It's good in a way because i still have savings and i don't get to spend it impulsively. It's bad because yeah, it's my money but it's not with me. Talk about cash flow problems and liquidity. Having no money in your wallet is depressing, isn't it?


Four: My Faraway Friends


I miss my friends. I miss talking about our silly lives and being honest without any chance of offending anyone. I miss talking about great buys and great places. I miss our very long animated chats. I miss telling stories without an occasional thought on per minute charges on my monthly billing statement. I miss meeting for projects and end up meeting for fun. I miss having crushes with them on the same people. I miss checking out girls with guy friends. I miss going out just to eat. I miss eating out. I miss complaining about the smoke in bars. I miss trying cocktails. I miss watching great bands. I miss just driving around and making fun of each other during traffic jams. Boo. Its nostalgia time.


Five: My Pimples


Sometimes they're all over my forehead. At times they're all over my jaw. They get tired and they go up again then down then up. Ugh! I'm way past teenage years and they're still there. A lot of people are suggesting taking pills, yes, birth control pills, but i don't want to. It's just really weird. I'll take them after i get married. It just doesn't look good and of course, my 'conservative' family will freak out and they won't understand.


I hope the next time i blog, it would be five happy stuff and not complaints.


If it's any consolation, life is a challenge and it isn't a life without the challenge. I got that yesterday. :-)


November 24, 2004

Today's thoughts

Some kind of change...


I've really been thinking about it since college freshman year. Now i can afford it and seasonally, i think about its pros and cons. Yesterday, i just decided to go ahead with it.


Tomorrow or maybe a few days later, you'll see.


It will still be me but kinda different.


Surprise surprise! I'm excited and anxious. I've been thinking about it all night. Of course i told the most important people in my life except Rhys and my grandparents, who will not understand unless they see it - literally and/or figuratively.


Oh my. I hope he does it right.


Nokia comparison


On the side, which one is better, a 7610 or a 6600? Okay, it's not me. I will not buy an expensive phone after losing my old phone to an inconsiderate being. I dare not include human. I wanna help my friend think about it.


My Christmas Wish list


I've been watching a lot of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. lately. I just love the series. I can watch the episodes thrice and still manage to get a good hearty laugh. I have a checklist of all the episodes and my DVD collection won't even amount to a half.


So, its number one in my "wish" list for Christmas: (Wink. Wink.)


1. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. DVDs but the gift giver must at least consult me on which seasons or episodes i already have.


2. Sex and the City DVDs and the instruction on the first number applies.


3. Butterfly accessories. Necklace, Earrings, Rings, Bracelets, Bags, Brooches, whatever. I still DREAM of the set i saw in this boutique at UB square. It's just perfect but too expensive for what it's worth.


4. Butterfly clothes.


5. Books - Da Vinci code, Da Vinci decoded, the story of Singapore's economic recovery under Lee Kuan Yew ba yon?, the latest book of Sidney Sheldon, The Notebook, Recipe books


6. An engagement ring. Haha! Dream on!


7. A car, kahit second hand lang. Yoo hoo. Mama? :-)


8. A laptop, Mama Ulit? :-)


9. A 256 MB USB flash drive


10. A portable DVD player and a small TV in my room. Mama na naman? :-)


Everybody is entitled to wish, right?

November 22, 2004

Kelan ako magkakaanak?


I am in love.


I am in love with Milience and Dos.


I went to Baguio last Saturday to attend the party of these two babies. Dos was just baptized while Milience was celebrating her second birthday. Amidst the threat of menigococcemia, i'm not even sure if i'm spelling this right, my brown skirt and boots outfit and my ignorance regarding Baguio's streets, i went to their party to see my inaanak, Milience, whom i haven't seen since her baptism.


The first is a picture of myself as a mama wannabe.


The girl is my inaanak, Zyre Milience Ami - Aspiras. The daughter of Lanie. Wondering about the name, you ask the parents. The priest said during her baptism to blame them when she gets tired and hard up writing her name in the future. She's so pretty!


The boy is Dos, Emil Glenn, his brother. He is so handsome! I carried him and i got so kilig!



November 18, 2004

Daily observations

1. Children now go to school at such a young age. I sat across a middle aged woman and her child this morning. The girl's hair was still thin, you can see her scalp. Kalbo pa and she had a bag like some grade school student and was already going to school. My nephew is three and still couldn't talk straight when he started going to preschool.


Well, is it because there's so much to learn already or is it because parents just send their kids to school because nobody will be left at home to take care of them?


2. I've been reading articles regarding the fiscal deficit and oh my -- i know the Philippines is in bad shape. However, reading through these 30 page articles, the Philippines IS and IS REALLY in bad shape. Imagine, by 2009 we can't even pay a cent of our 3 plus TRILLION debt and i can say we will be hard up in paying even interest payments alone.


Golly, if this crisis ensues and foreign creditors won't allow us to borrow anymore, how the hell will our country survive? Every year we need to borrow because the country's earnings can't support the government's operations. Every year, these debt will compound to bigger amounts and interest rates will be higher. Bleak. Very bleak.


Some people just blame it on Arroyo alone, or Estrada, or corruption, or government corporations like NAPOCOR and GSIS (which can not survive on their own), or even taxpayers who are not paying enough. (Let me just mention that it is the salaried employees who give the most taxes and business people just get richer and richer and paying the least possible taxes they can pay.)


This problem dates back to the Marcos administration, where all sorts of ostentatious projects were started and we had to incur lots and lots of foreign debt. Then came Aquino and Ramos who also had to incur debt because of deficits or the financial crisis and in whose administrations, many tax leaks had to be done to spur economic growth. Yet, the economy did not grow as expected. Estrada and Arroyo inherited these debt and tax system irregularities.


Taxpayers are not paying taxes because they actually don't see where their money goes. Well, it goes to debt payments, local projects, national projects and the like. The money also goes to corrupt people.


What i'm trying to say is, everybody is to blame, well in varying degrees. This means everybody is to share in whatever measures there are to avoid a full blown crisis. Government has to tighten its belt. Taxpayers need to pay taxes. Corruption must be curtailed. Corporations must manage themselves and not just rely on the national government.


But it almost seems hopeless, really...

November 11, 2004

Is it over?

...

November 08, 2004

Anonymous

The Rules:
1. Write something about 15 different people.
2. You can NOT say who they are.
3. If someone asks you which one is about them, you can NOT tell.


Interesting. I found this in
Russel's journal.


1. We don't complete each other. We don't complement each other. We hate each other's attitude. It's such a rough road, sometimes everything seems to have gone haywire but in the end i'm still here and you're still there. We're best of friends and we love each other unconditionally and that's all that matters. Thank you for everything.


2. Before, we were best of friends. At times, i don't admit it but i just expect that everything is exactly as it was before. I guess at a point in our lives, changes occur and no matter how ideal and nice it may sound for things to stay as they are, we just opt otherwise whether we may mean it or not. I love you just as much and as much as you love me anyway.


3. We really click but then, growing up things have become different. We cannot be happy go lucky forever. When we see each other though, nothing seems to have ever changed. I enjoy every time we spend together whether it's just a short phone conversation. I guess we're meant to be friends forever.


4. I really am awed by your strength. You don't deserve having those simultaneous life blows but everything happens for a reason. God bless.


5. I miss you so much. I really do. I am doing things now because i know it will make you happy. Yes, i know that i don't really owe it to give things back to you but i'm choosing to do it because i love you and i want to.


6. I don't really know what to tell you at times. You have things going for you and you deserve it. I cannot really influence your decisions that much but i am really praying for you.


7. Maybe you don't really know that you have the biggest influence in my life. I'm so thankful that i have come to know such really great people once in my life. I'm trying my best for those words not to come out empty out of my life. I miss you.


8. I am not really that consistent but you know i love you very much and saying 'i can give my life for you' at times can be taken for granted and honestly i cannot say that to a lot of people but for one person, i'd do it, and you deserve to be in that place.


9. You just make me really happy and i love you for that. Someday, i'll have someone like you in my life. I hope so.


10. Thank you for giving me so many opportunities. You have not been perfect but i owe you a lot.


11. Yes, i am ignoring your narrow childishness. It's not just worth my time. I prefer to be happy.


12. You were my biggest crush and i don't think you can even recognize it. I hope now you've achieved the kind of self confidence that you deserve to have.


13. I am sorry if i was unbecoming at certain or at a number of times but honestly i appreciate your loyalty, if you can call it that.


14. I believe in you. Go for it and have fun.


15. I see so much cruelty and antisocialdom in you. A number of times, it has influenced my life to depend on unreasonable motivations. I am trying hard to overcome the hurt, the inconsiderateness and the ungratefulness that you have shown us. I hope i am totally devoid of bitterness now. I want to forgive and i know i can do it. I don't deserve to be affected by you and the rest of your family.

November 03, 2004

Lost and found in the wilderness

Well, these two gals got lost somewhere in Cubao.


Lost #1


Let me sidetrack a little and mention that i had quite some luck already that same morning. The moment i arrived in Quezon City last Saturday, i took the printed instructions of Joyce, and followed it to get me to the LRT station (which Roch describes as a place that seems not to be in this country). First, from the Partas station, i took a trike to the MRT (not to ride but to cross EDSA) then went down to Farmer's then to that memorable street in between Chowking and Jollibee. I love you Sabado, grr!


The sight of the two fastfood joints made me realize i needed to have some breakfast. I chose to have the latter's pancake meal. Well, the person at the counter offered me a peach mango pocket pie to get a free Philippine Star, so i grabbed it. It was a very good deal by the way until what happened to me later.


You see, i ordered hot chocolate with the meal. I never do! I only drink coffee or some cold juice with fastfood breakfast meals. When i had finished the pancakes and the pie, i was still reading the opinion page. Now, the usual clumsy me just tipped the plastic cup down and the murky mudlike hot chocolate spilled unto my pants, to my bag and to the edges of my pristine white shirt!


So i was there, and to my dismay it's like the other people never noticed. That meant, nobody helped among all the Jollibee crew! So i had to get up, all brown and dirty and asked the person at the counter for tissue. I was shocked but i was perfectly calm. I didn't even realize if the spilled drink was still hot because i was just feeling too embarassed. I am really clumsy and things like this have happened before. The security guard finally noticed and offered a small wet towel. I was really grateful. I didn't catch his name though.


Thus, i went to the rest room. I painstakingly rubbed clean my pants with the wet towel. I changed my shirt. It's good i brought an extra. I was all wet. I attempted to dry myself with the hand drier to no avail. Finally i just wrapped my jacket around my waist and went out. Nobody even gave me a second glance or it was a result of my wishful thinking.


Lost #2


Later that night, i had to go home. I went with Myra from the Santolan LRT station, where our friends left us, wondering if we'll ever make it to Cubao. During the ride to Santolan, all sorts of instructions care of Archie! were given out and by the time we were in Cubao, everything was a blur. The LRT was really nice by the way.


The instruction was for us not to cross Aurora boulevard but to go through the new mall. Another instruction was to just follow the other people. The mall area was closed but we walked through an air conditioned place which was part of the instruction.


We got down to the street level and found ourselves in the dungy street of Aurora and we knew we were at the wrong place. We were never to cross Aurora! But the mall area was closed, and we were stuck there and we crossed! That's where all the people were going. So we were able to cross alive and off we went... off we went... The side streets were getting darker and we were like walking forever and that street between Jollibee and Chowking never appeared.


And the syanas realized it! It was because we were going back to where we came from, we were going towards Katipunan on the other side of the street! We were walking away from EDSA at a street opposite Araneta Center! Golly! We realized our having no sense of direction. We went back, almost got hit by a jeepney. We walked again and again and again finally the streets were brighter. We made it to Farmers and we learned our lesson not to listen to Archie again. Haha! Kidding!


Found #1


I ate brunch with my college blockmates, Roch, Olai and Lorena at Manang's! Mahal na siya. A 12oz coke, a cup of rice and one order of inihaw costs 52 pesos already but it was still really good, I love the inihaw na sinawsaw sa suka at soy. The place has been improved and now you also have to clear your own table. I also learned that you can't pass through Katipunan at Gate 3 to Ateneo anymore. You have to walk through the overpass at Gate 2 1/2. McDo has improved a lot. It looked so slick and sosyal. They even had a person walking around with a push cart to offer water. Parang airplane! I forgot to take pictures!


It was nice seeing them again. It brings back memories of the hellish and at the same time happy days we had as MIS students. Until next year.:-)


Found #2




Afternoon was spent at Joyce's birthday party. I finally saw Julianne. Anlaki na niya! Inggit ako. Hehe. Then there was Jaypee, Ian, Bimbo, April, Kuya Aldrin and Kuya Romy. Ang aming once a year or once in two years na pagkikita. Hopefully, by next year, i'll be around already.


October 29, 2004

Manila, Manila

Manila here i come!


Who knows how long i haven't set foot in this place. I haven't just got the time! I am working and i was studying and i had all sorts of appointments.


Tomorrow, i hope i catch a nice comfy Partas bus to QC and hopefully i can go home the same day. Please Lord. I hope by Saturday night, all people going back to the North have already gone ahead. Pleeeeeaase.



I have November 1 to spend of course at my Dad's tomb in Caba, La Union. I really don't have to go to the burial place to remember him but well heck, it's a tradition and it's also a nice way to catch up on other people i've not seen for a looooong time. Haha! Kidding but half meant!


Do you think our dead relatives still watch over us, wherever they may be right now?


Well, it's been how many years since he died, but i still remember him, A LOT. I still cry to say the least. I hope he's really happy now. I know he's happy...

October 24, 2004

Flowers in the backyard

I've been meaning to upload these photos but i've had no time to do so.


Anyway, i actually don't like our house. We just transferred there after college and i don't know i just hate the ambiance or whatever it is. Furthermore, we can't do anything like renovate or redesign it because the title is not yet in our possession as we haven't paid it in full. Thus, nothing will ever happen unless the owner and my mom come to terms about the price because the owner with all the weird and not so pleasant things about the house is asking too high a price for a house of that kind.


However, one sunny Sunday i just went around it and saw really nice things everywhere. It's really nice how you realize that such little simple things are actually so beautiful and you'll never notice until you stop and look at them for more than a minute or so. This is also true with our friends and loved ones. Sometimes, we always take for granted the simple things that they do to us. We only realize how good they've been in their own little ways when we stop and think about how much they care for us.





October 20, 2004

Uneventful

Several things i want to blog about:


1. Yay, i sold some stuff. I like it when i become entrepreneurial or something. I brought goodies from my sis' now defunct store to the office and i sold quite a few items. Hehe. I know its a small amount of money and it's not even mine, but i like it when i earn money like that. Oh well, i hope in the future, i'd get to do more of such stuff.


2. When you become friends with someone, quite a few times, the person really becomes close to you and then you grow to really love him or her. You give everything for the friendship to work and you don't spare a thing. However, sometimes you see it's becoming unfair and what you get from the relationship does not amount to what you are giving to it. Well, it's wrong to expect something in return but of course, you can't help it because any relationship should be something about giving and taking. At times, you want the person to change but whatever you do and however you put so much effort, it just does not work. In the end, it is up to you to choose to accept how things are. Reality bites.


3. Two interesting jeepney rides for a picture with a red background


The past two days, i've been leaving the office early because of my need for one piece of a one inch by one inch picture with a red background - silly, huh.


Anyway, i could have had this early on but it was a disaster at Colorado, Bauang. Last week, i went there during lunch and had my picture taken. However, i had a memory lapse and i just forgot to tell the photographer that the background should be red. I have all sorts of ID pictures but hey, none of them had a red background. Red is weird. So i went back there during afternoon break and had another shot taken. After five, i was ready to look at my ID picture with the red background, but no. It was not ready. I need it reshot, again. The reason was that they forgot to rewind the film, duh, whatever. I'd have to sit down on this silly stool again in front of these two guys and i was not gonna take anymore of that. Thus, i refunded.


So, to San Fernando I'd have to go.


Monday, i rode a jeepney and sat beside the driver. You know what a jeepney looks like, i assume. Behind me were some high school students from La Union High. They were dead drunk. Some were smoking. And there was a couple who were doing an ostentatious (as ate Marjo puts it) public display of affection. Man, the guy was kissing the girl's nape! These were fourth year high school students! Poor parents you have, little kids. Alright, this PDA guy was all over his girl friend and lo, had icing on his fingers, cake icing that is. I just realized some of it got to my nice hair (haha!). The real Rianne would have faced the guy and demanded an apology or shot a really evil look at the guy but i just removed the icing silently without looking because i was afraid of em. They were drunk. I don't know, but it seemed they were even laughing at me while i was removing it. Talk about repressed anger.


So the route was the 'San Fernando' route, which goes right towards Poro Point at the monument. Near POEA, some of these students went down. The guy directly behind the driver asked for change. I'll call him yellow smoking guy.


yellow smoking guy: Manong sukli mi.
driver: Di kay pay la nagbayad. Mano kayo.
yellow smoking guy: Innem manong. Ni, madi a manong. Bayad mi tattay sangagasot.
driver: Ni, maymaysa't sangagasot ittoy.
woman in spaghetti straps: Wen, bagi mi data. Duwa naggapu Bauang.
yellow smoking guy: Haan manong, nalutong diay bayad mi.
driver: Haan a. Uray kitaem (holding a coke tin can), awan pay naawat ko.
yellow smoking guy: Madi a manong. Adda pay sukli mi. (tugs at the driver and we almost hit a tricycle)
driver: Ni tarantadot tuyen. (pulling the jeep aside)
yellow smoking guy: Manot plete aya manong.
PDA icing guy: Baamon. Siak bahala.
yellow smoking guy: Awan kwartakon.
driver: Otso maysa.
yellow smoking guy: Madi a manong. Adda pay sukli mi. Parehas a manong. Siyete ti estudyante. Sukli mi.
driver: Tarantado ka. Nabarbartek kayo. Agdamag kat sukli di ka pay nagbayad. (drives again. The yellow smoking guy tugs at him and we have several near hits.)
driver: Tarantadot toyen. Aguray ta agmanmaneho ak. Ukinnayo, ipan kay diay outpost a.
PDA icing guy: (to his girlfriend, who seems to be irritated at the PDA but does not complain anyway!) Basta kita tayo mamya sa high school a. Hatid na lang kita.
PDA feeling innocent girl: Wen promise. Haanen, siak laengen. Umayak to idiay.
driver: Tarantado, ipan kay diay a. Naglugan kay diay Family Beach. Di kayo pay nagplete.


So the jeepney goes straight to the outpost. Many wanted to get down somewhere else but the driver just requested that the kids be first sent to the outpost. When we got there, I got out instantly without looking back lest i get involved and i didn't want to and ran to the photo studio only to find out i can't wait for the picture anymore and need to go back the next day for it. It was 20 bucks cheaper than Colorado Bauang's anyway. This was Konica at Yabes.


The moral of the long story: I am shocked at how these students were behaving - alcohol, smoking, PDA, cheating. It was a Monday afternoon, the first day of the week. They surely cut afternoon classes at the least. I look back and think that back in fourth year high school, my only preoccupation was Mariah Carey and my crush. Well i guess, times change. I keep hearing it being said that kids now are a different breed. However, this change in breed i hope is not one of a deteriorating kind. I'm just depressed and feel bad for their parents. Sigh, reality really bites.


The next jeepney ride was quite tame. I just sat next to a perhaps crazy guy in his late twenties. During the whole trip, i was at the edge of my seat afraid that he might just bite me or something. And the more i inched away, the more he got close to me. So i just let it be. But all's been good, he was very silent. He was just desperately fixing his really curly, frizzy and dirty hair. I even like his attitude. He was smiling. And some bratty little kids next to me were laughing at him. (These kids i couldve blasted had the good crazy guy become mad and attacked me).


Sometimes, crazy people actually make sense as long as you treat them normally. It's just bad that, they're crazy na nga and some people laugh at them pa. I even feel guilty for feeling afraid, but well that's life and reality bites.

October 16, 2004

Some interesting emails

God's Blessings


A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.


As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautifully wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat disappointed the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible. Angrily, he raised his voice at his father and said, "With all your money, you give me a Bible?" and stormed out of the house, leaving the holy book.


Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day.


Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things. When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search his father's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible, and began to turn the pages. As he read those words, a car key dropped from an envelope taped behind the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words ... PAID IN FULL. How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not packaged as we expected? If this touched your heart repost...




Ten Ways to Marry the Wrong Person By Dov Heller


With the divorce rate over 50%, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding whom to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize 10 insights.


1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. The classic mistake! NEVER MARRY POTENTIAL!! The Golden Rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after their married...for the worst!" So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now. It's as good as it gets!


2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than their character. Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character? Here are four characteristics to definitely check for:
* Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more important than personal comfort?
* Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give to charity?
* Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he's going to do?
* Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? s/he emotionally stable? Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?


3. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life, goal and priorities. There are three basic ways we connect with another person:
(1) Chemistry and compatibility,
(2) Share common interests and
(3)Share a life goal.
Make sure you share a deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide.
After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart.
To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're living for while you are single-and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a soul mate. A soul mate is a goal mate... two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life's purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.


4. You pick the wrong person because you do not have deeper emotional connection. To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: "Do I respect and admire this person?" This does not mean, "Am I impressed by this person?" We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. Yes, you should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc., but do you actually respect and admire this person who possesses these qualities? Also ask: "Do I trust this person?" This also means, "Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?


5. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don't feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself, and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who makes you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way! (That's why best friends usually fall under this category perfectly! But that's another story...) Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there's a problem with the relationship. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don't feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the lookout out for someone who is always trying to change you. There is a big difference between "controlling" and "making suggestions." A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.


6. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand.


7. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better and your future spouse will thank you.


8. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly. This can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. It is not necessary to "test drive" in order to find out if a couple are sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce.


9. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs (Men are from Mars...Women are from Venus!) and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't get it. The unique need of a woman is to be loved, to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention. Sexual intimacy is always on the woman's terms. Men are goal oriented especially when it comes to this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, "Men have two speeds: on and off." Women are experience oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things will happen.


10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop a relationship. But of course, being "triangulated" with God is the best triangulation you could have with your partner! A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is a classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in a triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You'll not be their number one priority. And that's not basis for a marriage. Ability is what you're capable of doing.

October 13, 2004

Time is gold

TV is taking too much of my time and maybe your time too. We spend like what -- three or four hours glued in front of the television watching soap operas and horrendous news items.


It is not really bad per se but look at how much time we spend watching TV shows or movies compared to the time we spend talking with our loved ones, friends or spending time improving ourselves.


Lately, i've been sleeping early. I don't know, maybe i'm just plain tired but it's been doing good to me. I've lost touch with one of my first loves which is reading. Lately, i've been reading more and i feel better. You see, the mind is stimulated more when reading rather than looking at something. If you watch it on screen, you don't have to visualize it and use your imagination. However, if you read it, your mind is exercised and you are forced to see things, maybe differently from what the author is saying. Ideas come out and you philosophize and rethink concepts you've had in the past.


Do you know that in a year you can cover all chapters of the Bible, if only you spend fifteen minutes each day to read it? Fifteen minutes is nothing compared to the whole time we spend doing other less sensible things.


At my age, i've been really thinking about my life and my options and what have you. Time flies so fast and i've wasted a lot of it. Yes, we need some amount of relaxation, of course. However, technology and all these improvements offer so many benefits but also make other significant things deteriorate.


There's the email but there's nothing like a handwritten and neatly folded letter. There are neat video games but there's nothing like a good game of hide and seek with your neighborhood friends. Sometimes, we think a lot about earning lots of money and giving a comfortable life for our families at the expense of spending time with them, which they need more than comfort i think.


It is actually hard to balance everything but maybe we ought to spend time thinking about what really means more to us and make decisions based on our priorities.

October 09, 2004

I LOST MY PHONE!

Yes, i lost my phone.


No more 'Rianne: phone addict'. No more 'Rianne's high phone bills'. No more 'Rianne texting fast'. No more 'Rianne's one hour calls'. No more 'Rianne's fighting someone on the phone'. No more PHONE. No more 7250.


I so hate the person who stole my phone. It was just inside my pocket or my bag. It got lost on my way from UP to SM. I was sitting inside Dencio's grill and checked for text messages but it's gone. I wanted to cry and i cried. Not really cry, but shed tears because i was so mad!


Now, i have to learn how not to have a cellphone for a while.


Yes, i lost my phone. Did it sink in yet? Rianne lost the freaking phone. Someone stole the freaking phone.


Bad day. The start of sem break. The last day of school. The last exam in school. The last day of my love affair with my phone. So sad. I just put a really nice wallpaper in it this morning - Padre's Globe ad. So sad. So sad.


Rianne lost her phone. Rianne lost her phone for the first time.

October 04, 2004

Tanong ko lang...

Hawig ba kami?







just asking...

October 03, 2004

Sigh...

Don't you sometimes do things because of a good reason then it gets out of hand? It appears you made the biggest mistake of your life and you seem to be the most evil and stupid person in the world. Your intentions are different but they are judged otherwise.


How you're told about your mistake counts a lot. Sometimes you want it told straight. Sometimes you want them to beat around the bush. Sometimes you want it said in private. Sometimes you want everyone to know about it. You expect something and if you don't get it you are offended and hurt. However, you still must apologize and thank any one who tells you you've done something wrong.


The worst thing though is if you find about it in another way like finding out about it from another person. One thing that really pisses me off is when i find out that one person is so nice to you when you're around but keeps saying negative things when you are not listening in. Tsk. Tsk. I hate hypocrisy.


Let it pass. Let it pass. I know we all have our dose of this. Di ba?

September 30, 2004

Weng wang

Wengwang. Toxic. Hell week. What else?


I have dysmenorrhea.


There's an order of a scale whose software was only started two days ago and is due next week. Think positive and it can be done. Di ba Windy.


I have to check several software. I have to do one email signature. I have to make job descriptions, follow up several applications.


That's just the peak of the iceberg for the office. I don't even want to remember that there is a lot more.


At school, I have a comprehensive exam for Human Resource Management on Saturday. That means, i have to read one whole textbook and HR books are like what - a thousand pages thick. Sunday, i have a date.


Next week, i have another final exam for Marketing Management, another thousand pages, and my Human Resource Term Paper is due the same day. Next Sunday, i have to be in Manila for a get together with friends.


In the house, i have to clean my room. I have to remove the stack of books and papers that accumulated throughout the semester.


I have to make one testimonial at Friendster.


I have to read a chapter a day of Purpose Driven Life and i don't want to miss any. I have a reading partner.:-)


Reminders for an exciting day.

September 22, 2004

24 na ako

You might have noticed i've been gone for a while. It's because i'm already 24 and old. LOL.


Now, i don't spend so much time on the internet (or is it because i almost don't have internet card credit left). I have more important things to do.


I feel old because i've had too many memory lapses lately. Is it because of my cellphone? I woke up this morning and got a jolt. My phone was directly below my ears and it's volume was set to three and it was ringing, loudly. I just think maybe my memory problem has got to do with sleeping with my Nokia phone each night. And a lot of my brain cells have been damaged.


I realize that i am old because i'm always busy. Weekends come in a jiffy. It's like i haven't even rested and before i know it, i should get up early for work again.


I consider myself old because now i think of more serious things. What will i be five or ten years from now. It has caused me a lot of stress but i'm determined to live a life of purpose and it shouldn't be something to worry about.


I am old because a lot of people are asking when i will get married. Oh well, I wish (tone should be sarcastic). However, i'm still in the process of building my wedding or marriage fund. I am open to donations.


Furthermore, i feel old because i suddenly keep looking at my bank account's balance although it hasn't been changing lately. And feel good when i remember that i do have life insurance even if i don't have that much savings.


BUT. A classmate told another classmate, i look like a high school student. Yay. I love my classmate. Kutob mo, totoo ba yon.





September 16, 2004

Currently engrossed with...

... cutting damaged tips of my hair. Usually, when thinking about things like program logic, correct sentence construction and what have you, i look out the window and look at the green hills not far in the horizon. Now instead of doing that, i just cut my hair away. Mind you, it produces the same results.


... daily evening news. They're very alarming, frightening, disgusting and all but they amuse me. Seems to me like a fantasy, action, drama and comedy series all rolled into one. The stories are more complicated than the soap operas. Believe me.


... putting order to my room. I fix it one afternoon, and the next day its chaos. There is order in disorder and the law of disorder says that we put things in order towards more disorder. Does that make sense? At least for me, it does.


... choosing between a diamond peel or crystal microdermabrasion. Yet, it's not like i'm really determined to have either of the treatments. I just wanna take a few pimple scars off my jaw.


... Nothing Else Matters of Metallica, i'm not even sure if i spelled the band's name right.


... Purpose Driven Life, at times i wanna read more than one chapter per day, but i try hard not to.


... counting the days before the semestral break. After this sem, i don't know what to do. God, please show me your way.


... monitoring my body fat. Russ, hindi ako nag South Beach diet. I just cut down on rice intake and then regular low fat milk (it helps daw according to reader's digest).




Sa mga nagbabasa ng blog ko. Mag comment naman kayo. Hindi yung nakikibasa lang, hehe, kidding. Para masaya di ba. Please. Nagmakaawa raw. Ayan o sa baba may _ commented, click and comment ha. :-)

September 14, 2004

I crave for

the following food in random order:


1. Baguio beans sauteed in soysauce with meat deeply cooked in its own fat


2. This dish out of pork with atsuete and made by Rivero's in San Fernando when i was still in grade school. It is sweet and salty and tastes just right. I've long been looking for a similar tasting meat viand! Oh please, may i chance upon one.


3. Blueberry cheese cake of Red Ribbon. Once i made one and all my money was sent directly to the trash.


4. Black forest of Red Ribbon (I'll never get tired of it) but Cafe Esperanza's version will do.


5. Tokneneng ba yon? It is this small egg covered with orange stuff and fried; introduced by Homer and i loved it although i was afraid i'd get Hepatitis or something. I need the vaccines! I hope to get shots so i can enjoy fishballs and the like. It's been years since i last planned!


6. KFC Funshots - I love all flavors. It reminds me of flavored french fries.


7. Sizzling sisig of Ken Afford with egg on top, although once we saw a giant cockroach inside the restaurant, while walking past it at night.


8. Inihaw or Breaded Pork Chop from Manang's - super with its yummy sawsawan made of soy sauce and vinegar. Quality and affordable and the best there is.


9. Japanese buffet at Oasis - but i can't go there maybe in two years or so. If you have read my previous posts, you'll know why.


10. SR Thai's vegetable rice and bagoong rice - the only restaurant where i enjoy eating Thai food because their's are not so spicy.


Oh well, at least i don't eat too much and my arms will again look like this. (But it's happening again!)






And look at this cool picture of my favorite Philosophy teacher, Padre Ferriols, known for his own philosophy of 'Meron'. Hindi ko alam if this is a real Globe ad or not.



September 12, 2004

I am sad

So i am posting this stupid picture taken when i had dysmennorrhea (aw, was still quite thin here, now, not anymore) to show my mood today. Sigh. Let's cry.






When i am sad, i usually pamper myself. Don't you do that yourself? I mean, when we are sad, we wanna forget and take our minds away from this shitty thing that is happening.


Therefore, I went to the mall and had a facial. It cost me all, save for ninety pesos and a handful of coins, of what is left in my wallet but oh well, i just had to give myself a little reward. Facials are stressful too actually, especially on the part of the nose but i still consider it pampering okay. Lately, i had pimple breakouts and i don't have anymore benzoyl peroxide left and i haven't bought a replacement either so i BADLY needed a facial. I just didn't have the time but even if this day is the only day for resting, i still decided to go out to have one. Alone.


When i am sad i really do prep myself up. When i look jologs that is when i am happy because i don't care about how i look. I don't care about what people say. I am happy even if i look ugly.


Of course, i feel good about myself when my hair is combed (you see, i only do this once a day, normally -- err, before i had my hair straightened). I like it when my face is not pale and has some color in it to show that i'm actually alive. I like it when i'm dressed well -- not for other people but for myself. You see for example, i like wearing miniskirts and shorts even if i don't have the hot legs to go with them. I'm just really comfortable wearing them but i myself will agree that i look more pleasant in jeans. Despite that, i'd still go for a skirt anytime and anywhere. I like them.


Now i have a collection of butterfly clothes, sandals and accessories and wearing them makes me feel light as well.


Boo. I am sad today and it is because of one person.

September 09, 2004

Another attempt at being driven

What drives you?


Chapter three of Purpose Driven Life explains this very well and hit me right at the center. It says there are five things that usually drive people, that seem to be their life's purpose, that become the bases of important decisions. It may be the choice of a career, the choice of a school, the choice of a job, the choice of rejecting and accepting people into our lives. Most of the time, what motivates us shouldn't be what it is.


1. Guilt


Many people are so concerned about a previous mistake that they want to spend the rest of their lives making up for that significant error. Well, it is easy to say that the past is the past. There's nothing we can do about it so we can only learn and move on. However, it is not so easy.


My life's example is the death of my Dad. There are so many things that I could have done to show him how much I love him and how grateful I am for the things that he had done for me. After he died, there are a lot of decisions that I have done and probably will do because I am sure he'd be happy if I do this certain thing. However, my life's purpose is not about pleasing a dead person, no matter how significant this person is in my life.


2. Anger


This is my current struggle. I am so bitter about something that most of my decisions have been based on proving to these people what I am worth. I want to show them how wrong they are in treating my family that way after all the years of being a 'family' to each other. I want to be successful and rich just to surpass them. I want to be happy so that I'd be happier than them.


And I realize it is all nonsense. I'm destroying myself with anger and letting them take away my happiness. They may have moved on and never may have realized the wrong they have done but here I am wallowing.


3. Fear


Fear also dictates our decisions to a certain extent. I am sure some of us refused to try something out of the fear of failure. As simple as class recitation, sometimes we just choose to keep quiet because we think we won't say anything good.


4. Material Things


This is also common. We sometimes equate happiness with riches, with the thought of being able to buy anything and living in comfort. At times, it seems to be 'noble' - by doing things so that our parents will live comfortable lives.


Yes, we ought to honor, respect and give them all the best yet this is not our purpose. This is not what we are living for.


5. Approval


Some people live for the approval of their parents. Sometimes we think there is something expected of us and we strive to reach that expectation. It is not all bad; however, this is still not the reason why we are given the chance to wake up everyday.


Some people only think of the approval of their husbands or boyfriends or worse, relationship prospects. Some people live their lives just so they get famous or just so their friends will think highly of them and respect them.


We were not given lives to please people. We were created by God for a purpose, and this purpose is greater, much greater than just pleasing our parents, our boy or girlfriends, or anyone else for that matter.


The Bible says God is our Creator and we have been in his care even before we were born. We were created not only for this lifetime but for eternity. Eternity is incomprehensible. It is like comparing a little ant against the big, big universe. God plans great things for us. And that 'ant' or the short time that we will live on earth is just like a moment's blink of an eye. Thus, it is a pity when we lose sight of this great purpose by being myopic only on things that are actually so fleeting.


September 08, 2004

Purpose driven life



Lately, i was so baffled and anxious about my life's purpose, drive, direction and similar existential questions. Maybe it is the effect of realizing that i will turn 24 this month and in a year comes my silver anniversary of existence in this realm called what, i don't know.


Last Monday, I finally started something to cure the insanity at this phase in my life.


I have started Purpose Driven Life again. I say again because i started before for four days then was just hit with the idea that somebody needs the book much more than i do, so i lent it. Ironically, it was not read. It was read by maybe everyone else in my friend's house except the person i, out of my selflessness or maybe self righteousness, haha, lent the book to. They liked it though.


Last month, my sister gave the book to my friend as a birthday gift and last weekend i got my book back. Therefore, my friend and i each have an unread book. Everyone else recommends it. It is a very famous book read by a lot of people, both popular and unpopular, rich and poor, old and young.


Thus, i now have a reading partner. For 40 days, we committed ourselves to reading a chapter then sharing our thoughts and prayers afterwards, by text or by a phone call. Haha. Not so easy and cheap, by the way.


Anyway, the first two days were really good. I hope that we keep it up for a month and a half. And the book is great. You should read it too. The author is Rick Warren.


September 06, 2004

I want to join a rock band and...

...be the lead singer or i can plainly just be guest singer for a male singer led band


...aside from my band's original songs, i wanna dish out 214, Bring Me Down, Lost of RiverMaya; The Corrs' Runaway, Radio and So Young; Nothing Else Matters of Metallica;


...play rhythm guitar once a while


...wear not too loud boots and skirts during gigs and wear just a pink cheek tint and pink lip gloss


...be famous among the cool crowd, maybe the 18-25 agegroup


...rush at 7pm because i have band rehearsals every other day


...be barkada with my bandmates, then we'll go to parties and movies together


...not be alcoholic, not ever try drugs, not smoke


I wanna be a rocker!

September 01, 2004

The *ber months are here again

Yes, it is indeed September.


1. Christmas is near and i don't have the funds yet for gifts.




2. Christmas is near and YAY it is Christmas. Except for a few kindred spirits, i think most people love the holidays. I love family gatherings, red wine, good food, long vacations, seeing everyone, mini reunions, get togethers. I love criticizing the smart placement of Christmas lights among the houses in Naguillian road. I love Christmas gifts and the excitement of opening each gift on Christmas eve. I love seeing family and friends who go back home to spend the holidays in their hometown.


3. It's my birth month and it's another time to think about my life and how i am doing. Am i on track? Am i doing things that i would smile about years from now? Oh well, don't we all think and philosophize when we realize we're another year older? I'm twenty four and what the hell is my life worth?


These questions aside, i'm really thankful for everything that God has blessed me with. He has been really good to me. Everybody is worth something i guess, and at times we don't realize it. There are lots of love and concern and prayers surrounding my life and i will not say i can't ask for more but i can say that i have enough. It doesn't hurt to have more so i'll continue doing what i can do.


These mushy stuff aside, I know some LUPD people will read this somehow, yes you, and i just want to announce that A..... had a successful blind date a while ago.:-) Well, this guy and she talked for like the whole time while I and Marilou just watched TV and never felt we existed from their point of view. Haha. (A....., huwag kang magalit ha. Hehe. Alam mo naman ako.)


So there, i have to do one case analysis, but i really had to blog and chat first, eh. I have an hour before 12 so i gotta rush.


And oh yeah, my boneless bangus business is kinda booming. Haha. Enough already.

August 31, 2004

Our life's options

At times, we are faced with a lot of choices.


You want to be honest, yet you risk being misinterpreted. You want to keep mum, yet you risk betraying someone's trust. You want to find greater satisfaction, nevertheless you can't get out of your comfort zones. You want to try something new, although you know you might encounter the same errors and frustrations you have already encountered, later on. You want to let go even if something from the past make up what you are now.



Each day, we are bound to make decisions. Decisions that make us or break us. Decisions that are trivial or big things that you can't afford to make mistakes on. Decisions that make others happy or make them unhappy.



These are decisions that set a whole length of causes and effects. One move will veer you at a certain angle away from where you were previously headed before you opted for a particular alternative.



As difficult as they may be, we need to choose. Sometimes, we are forced to choose. We are lucky when we have enough time and information to think about it. We are lucky when we make the right choice. However, we do not really know, whether it's the right or the wrong choice. All we will ever know are effects that don't really spell out our accuracy.



Later on, when we are happy, we either could have been happier or could also have been miserable. When we become unhappy, we also could have been all the more miserable or we could also have been in better situations had we only chosen something else.



Yet that is how we carve our lives. That is how we live our lives. That is how we spell out who we are. We are just not lucky if we have time and wisdom, these are prayed, thought about and worked hard for.

August 28, 2004

The adventures of commuting

Commuting 101


These are some of the lessons i have learned through the years while on a bus or a jeepney.


1. Avoid women who think that a bus ride is a moment of relaxation. They sit comfortably with their arms hanging loosely at the sides of their bodies without thinking that it pushes you off the bus chair.


2. Avoid men who cannot keep their legs together at least to a reasonable angle.


3. Avoid people who don't want to get wet with their own umbrellas, it is you who gets wet instead. These people enter buses with their umbrellas raised up causing a drizzle past everyone whom they pass by. They may also sit with you and put their umbrella nearer your side such that you get wet while they don't.


4. Avoid the people in jeepneys who can only use their fingers not their toungue. Be ready to be irritated by people who touch your back or your arm with a fingertip and not say anything. Pfffttt. Please you have a voice, don't you?


5. Avoid men who are in the lookout for prospects. They get your number, your name and your address. Very freaky. Avoid drunk men. I had this experience once in high school. He just bent down and kneeled and shouted he wanted my name. I ignored him although i was so embarassed, i wanted to disappear right at my seat. I didn't wanna commute for a week after that.


6. Avoid speedy buses. They run so fast, every acceleration seems like suicide.


7. Look for women who want to tell their life stories while travelling. Go seat near these people who broadcast their husbands' philandering or giggle at stories about their boyfriends. My, almost every one has an interesting life.


8. Be on the lookout for conductors/drivers who pretend to forget that you need some change. These people might wish you won't bother asking for a two peso change, but i do. Be on the lookout for conductors who embarass you in front of all passengers like it is your fault that you don't have loose change or that he can't compute correctly from the fare rates.


9. Avoid passengers who think their bags are pots of gold. They just let their bags sit while you almost fall down from your seat. These are the most inconsiderate bunch.


10. Be on the lookout for conductors/drivers who think you are a circus performer who can walk towards the door while the bus is speeding as fast as you could. Just tell them, hey, you can't pay for my life when i trip and bang my head here.



Hey, i'm good today. I finished all my three assignments before posting my blog. Woohoo. I hope it doesn't rain today. I'm going up to the boondocks. I'm sneezing a lot. I just hope the Baguio weather does not make me sick all the more.


August 26, 2004

Being driven

Why am i so not disciplined?


Since Tuesday i've been waking up at five a.m. just to start my three assignments due on Saturday. I just bloghop and check friendster and check all my favorite sites. Come on.


Have i lost the drive? Maybe, its just not the thing that i want to do? What do i want? Why am i doing these things? I'm beginning to be angsty about my life's direction and all i figure is that money does not run my life and it shouldn't be the first consideration in any decision i will make in the future.


You see, i can go to nursing school and in five years i can try my luck in the States and earn a lot but i choose not to. Nursing is definitely not my calling, although i haven't really grasped exactly what i want to be.


I want to raise a happy family, that's all, but i can't raise one without a good income, can i. So i can't stop working and just make babies and be a home maker and pray to God we can eat everyday. I'm faced with a lot of choices and nothing appears completely pleasant. Of course nothing is. Boo. I think this is too early for a middle age crisis.


So young and so lost. Lord, please enlighten me.

August 25, 2004

GI ako

This means, Genuine Ilokano ako. However, it is so weird that most people don't understand me when i speak in Ilokano. Is it my Ilokano or is it just really me being incomprehensible most of the time?


Do you notice your thoughts? Mine is weird, when i'm angry i think in English. No kidding. So i either scream my lungs off in English or translate it to whatever medium i'm currently using in the conversation. Normally, my thoughts are in Filipino. Like 'ang tagal', 'uh oh, late na ko', 'bat di pa nagreply yon', 'argh, gutom na naman ako'. Stuff like these. Thus, i converse with people most of the time in Filipino and not because i'm nationalistic or something.


Another weird thing is that, cursing comes out naturally when i speak in Ilokano, so i try my best not to speak in Ilocano. Cursing like 'Kinnana, Shet, Fuck, Tanaydana'. Bad no. (Homer this is your fault.) Even if i don't intend to, it comes out like an occasional period to a sentence. Weird. My usual cursing is 'Shit' or 'Fuck' like when i almost trip over or step at some dog shit. And i hate it, mind you.


In Tagalog though, 'Tang ina' does not come out of my dirty mouth unless i say it intentionally. Maybe this is why, my mind's preference is Filipino. You see, at home, we speak all three. To the extent that at one point, my nephew Rhyss would say 'No more. Wanen. La na.' when his milk bottle was empty.


Lord please tame my tongue.

August 22, 2004

Look ma, my hair is straight

At long last, my hair is as straight as i had for the longest time wanted to. And i took silly pictures of myself looking as stupid as possible. Haha.


Yay! Boo! Yay!

Such a big whore.

August 20, 2004

Naked encounter

Woohoo. I'm back and blogging. I've been soooooooooo busy since a couple of days. Last night i barely had three hours of shut eye. But heck, don't we all. My tagboard is back! Yay. I just hope there will be no more errors this time. Tomorrow i have only one class so i think i don't wanna go anymore. It's Homer's birthday tomorrow and Myra's too. So, Baguio, Luna or Manila. Maybe Bauang, sigh. My so called life.


*****



A naked woman just walked into our house last night. Yes. N. A. K. E. D.


So my cousin was just washing the dishes and then she just got the shock of her life when a middle aged woman she never saw in her entire life just went out of my other cousin's bedroom. She went straight to our dining room where there is a full length mirror and just took off all and i mean all her clothes. Actually, she just got the basketball shorts of my guy cousin, so it was hanging loosely on her waist.


I was not aware of these things yet because i was in my room playing with the computer. Err... yeah i'm very busy. LOL. So my mom just started shouting my name and guess why? She actually thought i was the one in front of the mirror, totally naked and scratching my head lazilly. Grover no.


So i was still clueless at this point and thought it's just some other snake that my cousin caught. Well, for your information, snakes come and go from our house. One time my cousin caught a 10 feet long snake the circumference of my big log legs. He got not just one but four bayawaks and a musang. Yeah, he has a promising career at the zoo. Haha.


Back to our visitor, i was just curious and so i looked out and there she was. Good thing she had her back to me. I just saw her butt and messy hair. She was examining herself in the mirror. So i locked my door at once.


My jittery, as white as snow cousin convinced her to go to the living room. There was a peep hole from my room to the living room so i saw her and i was soooo careful not to look down. So all i saw were her sagging breasts. She was comfortably watching TV in all her nakedness.


So in all our fright, we in some way convinced her to wear clothes. She had no underwear. We also gave her cinnamon bread and water. My mom who at this point already realized that it was not I who was walking naked in the house, has called the police for help.


us: Anong pangalan mo?
visitor: Rowena?
us: San ka galing?
visitor: Sa lupa.
us: Lupa?
visitor: Oo. Lupa. Land. Earth.
police: Tara san mo gustong pumunta
visitor: I don't like you. You're the deevel. (devil)
police: Hindi a, sa lupa nga rin ako galing e.
us: Sinong nagdala sa yo rito?
visitor: Sila! (pointing to the policemen) Hinila nila ako sa buhok. Ganito.
us: May anak ka na?
visitor: Isa. Hindi kami kasal ng asawa ko. Pero noon yon noong katoliko ako. I'm a preacher of the Church of Latter Day Saints. Bring me to the church.
police: Tara.
visitor: Sino ka ba? I don't like you.


Di ba. It's so astig. She may have gone crazy combining life and religion too much. I don't know. She definitely had an education, i can sense from how she talks. But whew. Things like this don't happen to everyone, even for a life time. Masasabi ko lang, what an experience!


Happy birthday Homer and Myra! More to come and God bless!


Bitin ba? I have no prepaid card load na e.

August 11, 2004

What month person are you?

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.


FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but thoes not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.


MARCH: Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decor. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.


APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.


MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.


JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.


JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for
friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.


AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and daring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends .


SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.


OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.


NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable


DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.


I was born in September.